June 17, 2010

'V' IS FOR YOUR **V**ERY OWN LOLA LIFELINE!


THE COLUMN THAT GIVES YOU,DEAR READERS,LOLA POWER!

Dear readers, I am participating in Alphabe-Thursday where ‘V’ is for Your Very Own Lola Lifeline! And my postbag is full to bursting with queries and dilemmas from so many of you! And, as usual, I’ve picked out the most urgent and pressing to share!

First, another query from my puppy-nephew,A
lfie (left).




Grrrhh! Grrrhh! Grrh! Grrh!



1. Dear Aunt Lola,
We´ve got real problems where we live. ´Cos it’s quite a peaceful area, the empty roads attract motorcades of learner drivers practising endless manoeuvres in gearbox wrecking and pavement vaulting. One of these days, they’re going to ram my beloved Harley Davidson! Any suggestions, Aunt Lola?









Dear Alfie,
The only way to get driving instructors to take their clients elsewhere is to have children playing out in the street in quiet residential areas. However, since kids today refuse to set foot outside when they could be slouched in front of a computer playing “hack and slash” Mortal Kombat or emailing suggestively provocative images of themselves to their bestest new internet friend, Rudi in Rumania, you’re going to have to put up with the screeching gear shifts - unless you can persuade a group of pals like your Mum and Tamara (above) to join you for five-a-side football in the street – a sort of Kiddies’ five-a-side World Cup. (There’s probably a grant available from UEFA to encourage this kind of thing, too.) P.S. Well, perhaps on reflection, not Tamara
Dear readers, that’s my advice for Alfie. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for him?

2. Next up is a query from Mrs Gold-Ingot- Coutts, Chelsea, London (below)


Dear Lola,
I am agonising over the best end-of- term gift to buy for my daughter’s teacher. It must be super flashy and attention- grabbing, and large enough to dominate her desk and the playground as we wait before class (other parents here in Chelsea are so competitive!). What do you recommend? Please don’t suggest anything handmade as we ran up a papier maché, hand-painted, scale model of Buckingham Palace last Christmas filled with antique miniature furniture from Harrods, and not even my flashing Easter egg could top that.

Dear Mrs Gold-Ingot- Coutts,
What you really want is for the other children, especially the girls, to gasp with shock and awe. A pony or several crates of champagne would be ideal, and a lovely change from the gallons of cheap scent, iffy soap and supermarket chocolates that most teachers can expect at this time of year. Alternatively, she may prefer some artwork for her flat which could well earn you some extra brownie points. For instance like this CLICK HERE

Dear readers, that’s my advice to Mrs Gold-Ingot- Coutts. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for her - or any other aspiring Yummy Mummies (right).

3. Next we have a query from Ms WAG (below)
Dear Lola,
In company last week, a woman said to me: "Your earrings are gorgeous. Where did you get them? I can't wear cheap earrings myself." What response would you have given?

Dear Ms Wag,
"I'm not surprised. With your looks, you must need all the help you can get. Incidentally, are you in any way related to this person?” CLICK HERE!


Dear readers, that’s my advice for Ms WAG. Agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for her?

Well, dear readers, sadly that’s all we have time for today! But remember, if you have any problems or queries you’d like me to respond to (dealt with anonymously if preferred), don’t hesitate to let me know (or my PA, Nora) in the COMMENTS BOX BELOW! However weird, outlandish, insoluble it may seem, I’ll have an answer to that Desperate Dilemma of yours! So why hesitate any longer? Go on! Write to me, Agony Aunt to the Stars, in the comments box now!

And remember, YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! - your lifeline to a saner, more harmonious, beauteous world. And now I’m going to creep back to my basket for my beauty sleep (yawn), but do help yourselves, my dear readers, to the Laduree Wedding Cake and macarons (below) on your way out! Oh, btw, I shall be MIA for the next few days ’cos Nora’s off on another brief business trip and, as you know, she’s the one who transcribes all my deeply profound thoughts! But, like Arnie (left), I WILL be back very, very soon!! Promise!!
Have a great Alphabe-Thursday! And check out other Alphabe-Thursday posts @ Jenny Matlock’s great site!

Mwah!
XOXO LOLA:)

43 comments:

Michelle said...

Lola! This is the best of your Lola Lifelines yet! So witty-especially the embedded pics!!Love them -so clever :-)

Jan said...

Great post! Agree-best ever! Couldnt stop laughing lol

Holly said...

Fantastic post Lola!The secret pics are SUPERB! hehe

Mike said...

Love your Yummy Mummy solutions (though a bit envious!)& the retort for the WAG's priceless!!

tania said...

My word verification´s "soccerr"!Weird! Fabulous post as always Lola:)Love your answers for Mrs Ingot.etc & Ms WAG!!Terrific embedded shots too- especially #1!!

Pondside said...

That's it - I have to follow as I don't want to miss any more of these.
I agree with all the very sensible and well-thought advice. It's good to know that there's a place to send people for answers to some of life's more pressing questions.

Theresa said...

Lola is a very good advice columnist!

Tina said...

Your advice was spot-on to all those queries. A very entertaining post. Lola rocks!

Lourie said...

LOL I loved every one of these pieces of advice.

Cheryl D. said...

These were great! I loved the photo of Johnny Depp! Thanks!

Jo said...

oh Lola, you just always give the best advise ... well except for the teacher gift ... if i purchased that bit of artwork I sure wouldnt give it to the teacher .... she can sip champagne instead!

Jenny said...

Wow! What a clever and fun stop on our little journey through Alphabe-Thursday's Letter "V"!

I laughed so hard at your advice...love the cheap earrings one and the competitive Mum one especially!

You are such a joy! Your lifelines are just delicious!

A+

teawithonesugarplease said...

Great advice as always - side splitting funny x

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

This post was so very witty and amusing to read!

I have to admit I found it hard to scroll away from Johnny Depp's face :-)

Draffin Bears said...

Thank you so much dear Lola and Nora, for all the wonderful pictures and lifeline advice you have given today.
Amen to Pat's note.
I laughed out loud about the earrings, how can people be like this?
Have a wonderful time away, you will be missed and look forward to your return and more wonderful posts.

Happy weekend
Hugs
Carolyn

Viki said...

I don't think anyone could give any better advice that you did, Lola. Your the queen of it lol.

Vicki said...

FUNNY!

mbkatc230 said...

I think all of your advice is perfect, but my favorite is your response to Mrs. Wag :) Kathy

mrs. c said...

You are a hoot! Such a clever girl, Lola! You must have had lots of experience...living. How wlse could you give such great advice!

Jim said...

Hi Nora, I am liking your Lola Lifeline Q&A posts. They are amusing. Very amusing compared with my Ask Dr. Jim (blog).
I can't see that your updates are on a schedule, just when the urge to write Lifeline comes you do it?

I'll be in London next week and then a couple of weeks later. Is there anything there that you would like to have me to eat for you?
..

Annesphamily said...

This advice column is as good or better then the late Dear Abby Van Buren and her sister Ann Landers! I have had a terrible week and this has made me laugh alto! Thank you

Anne

Sarah said...

Still laughing! Your posts are the best! I've been away from my computer, so I've been scrolling through some previous posts that I missed. Love the leaking pool discovery. :-)
Thanks for stopping by HFTS and leaving a thoughtful comment. I appreciate it.
Have a great weekend! ~ Sarah

Berlin said...

I just love reading these kind of stuff. It's so interesting to read about others =)

Great advice!

Have a spectacular day,
Berlin

友辰友辰 said...

Make yourself necessary to someone...................................................................

Tracey said...

LoLa.. you are too funny.. I think I've met the cheap woman somewhere in my life!!... I love your idea for a teacher gift.. champange to celebrate the end of the term!! How wonderful!!

French Fancy said...

One of the best columns yet - you put so much work into it.

xx

woofs from porgy and bess here

Heavenly Housewife said...

Dearest Lola,
Good help is so hard to find. I see that Nora has been up to her old tricks again LOL.
Will miss you while you are gone daaaaahling. Do come back soon.
*kisses* HH

Debby said...

LOL...Too funny, you crack me up.
debby

Michelle said...

Lola you always know how to get me to smile and have a great laugh!! I especially love the answer to Ms. Wag. Lol!! I mean how rude to insinuate they are cheap earrings in the first place. She deservd her answer. Haha! Hope you are having a wonderful week Lola (and Nora)!! xoxo

Jan said...

Just popped back to say can't get one of those embedded pics out of my mind - wonder why?!!

bermudabluez said...

Dear Lola.....we think you are just the BEST advice columnist!!! Your answers are even better than Dear Abby! We love all of your pics too....what a bunch of work you put into this post!!
oxoxo LadyBug and Chloe

Personalized Sketches and Sentiments said...

I think you have got the Lola-lifeline advice down pat :o)

Blessings & Aloha!
Hope your family's father's day was an awesome one :o)
Still trying to get to more "V" posts!
Oh and I have to say Alfie is adorable and Lola is beautiful! The photos of them are great...but the one of Lola-she doesnt look real, cuz she looks so perfect!

Jingle said...

http://itistimetothinkformyself.blogspot.com/2010/06/jingles-june-follower-award-week-2.html
awesome thoughts reflected...

Marie Antionette said...

Thanks for stopping by Nora,
Alfie is looking real fine these days.
I really agrre with you about the kids these days.We use to have to go outside and stay there till we were called.We played all kinds of games.Such wonderful times. My Mama would have given us a swift kick in the a-- out the door,thats for sure.
Mrs Gold-Ingt-Coutt
That teacher would get what I sent and like it or not,for I would not give a flying pigs----. This is a retarted world that you would have to compete with others who gives the better gift.This crap makes me really mad.
Ms Wag,
I agree with you.I've seen this lady on TV and I will tell you that...She got what she asked for.Anybody who would do this to themselves.Well...Lets just say I don't feel one bit sorry for her.
She should have been glad God gave her what he did.
Thats my spin on your lifelines Dear one.Until next time,
XXOO Marie Antionette

♥ Kathy said...

I want some of that artwork for my wall! LOL ummm but if it could be the ever delicious Johnny Depp in his underwear that'd be even better :D

Duchess of Tea said...

Hello my darlings, hope life is treating both of you with kind gloves. Just popped in to tell you I have missed you both terribly and to wish you a summer full of sunshine, happiness and blessings.

Love & Hugs
Duchess

Duchess of Tea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Clarity said...

Dear Nora,

What a vroomvaful post. I do have a question and tell me if you can remember THAT far back: There was a super cool program you mentioned that can change youtube videos into mp3s - do tell me what, where, how I can find it please?

XOXO
Clarity :)

志文 said...

在莫非定律中有項笨蛋定律:「一個組織中的笨蛋,恆大於等於三分之二。」......................................................................

玫友 said...

所有的資產,在不被諒解時,都成了負債....................................................................

皇銘 said...

人不能像動物一樣活著,而應該追求知識和美德............................................................

Gingeyginge said...

I'm so sorry I have forgot what the post was about,too busy looking at Johnny Depp...Hope your well.x.

王名仁 said...

It takes all kinds to make a world.............................................................