YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! ~ & AU REVOIR!

THE COLUMN THAT GIVES YOU,DEAR READERS,LOLA POWER!

Well, dear readers, it’s the first week of a new month and that can only mean one thing: YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! And my postbag is full to bursting with queries and dilemmas from so many of you! And, as usual, I’ve picked out the most urgent and pressing to share.

1. First up is another query from Alfie, my puppy-nephew (above). Alfie, as you know, is a keen Harley-Davidson fan and he desperately wants to travel to the US this summer to attend a big HD rally. But none of his close relatives, particularly his Mom, Sadie (right) are willing to take him. Alfie is heart-broken at the prospect of missing this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. What should he do?
Ooh, Nora! You are sooo useless! Most incompetent PA ever! Post the pic of Alfie
below immediately...!

Dear Alfie,
I have just the ticket, literally! This summer has just seen the launch of Pet Airways http://petairways.com the first pets-only airline which runs a weekly service to five US cities. Pets travel in a Beechcraft 1900 that can hold 50 animals, two pilots and one pet attendant. It promises to transport pets with "love, care, safety and comfort" in the main cabin (any owners must travel on regular flights - they aren't even allowed to fly in cargo!). Since the first flights will be for dogs and cats only, you’re in luck, Alfie! Check your pet passport’s up-to-date and off you go - on your OWN! And, on arrival, do check into a Paw Seasons Hotel and order their canine special, Leash and Potato soup! And let’s hope you don’t get dogged at every step by puparazzi! Bone voyage! *groan*

Dear readers, that’s my advice to Alfie. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions?

2. Next up is a query from the British Secret Service, MI6 (left), which is advertising for a health and safety adviser to "keep our staff safe as they go about their work protecting the country against these threats" & "promote a positive safety culture".
What sort of advice do you think MI6 should be given? Here's Lola's:

Dear MI6,
When visiting the headquarters of the evil Blofeld empire, always remember that white cats may cause an allergic reaction. Oh, and before your next mission, Mr Bond, please read every leaflet you can lay your, er, hands on about the dangers of venereal disease...

Dear readers, that’s my advice to MI6. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions?

3. And finally, an email from an 18-year-old New Zealand boy, Michael, who’s in a real dilemma concerning his mother, Jennifer.

When she recently ordered him to clear out the garage and sell unwanted items, he was so outraged, he tells me, he sought revenge by putting up for sale on TradeMe, an internet auction site, some eight-year old "glamour" photos he found of her in suspenders and thong under the title "Five Naked Photos of My Mum". When she found out, she called him a "cheeky little git". But she became truly angry, however, when the site took the photos down because "we don’t really want to be the place where people sell pictures of their mothers in their underwear". Michael says she’s now INSISTING he put them (and some others too) back up or else - ’cos in her words: "They are artistic. There’s nothing dodgy about them. I want 50% of the sale, but, more than that, I miss the NICE comments." What should Michael do to appease his mother?

Dear Michael,
My advice is to encourage your mother to start blogging where she’ll get lots of "nice comments" from nice, new blogpals - provided, that is, she doesn’t post any of those D-R-E-A-D-F-U-L photos you sent me... U-G-H!! U-G-H!! U-G-H!!

Dear readers, that’s my advice to Michael. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions?

Well, sadly that’s all we have time for now, dear readers! But remember, YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! - your lifeline to a saner, more harmonious, beauteous world!

And now I’m going to creep back to my basket for my beauty sleep (yawn), but do help yourselves, my dear readers, to a piece of Laduree candy (below) on your way out! And many thanks for your comments, visits and follower links this week! Oh, and by the way, I shall be MIA for the immediate future - don’t know when I’ll be back unlike Arnie (right) - ’cos Nora’s off on an extended business trip and, as you know, she’s the one who types up all my deeply profound thoughts! But it’s been a great ride...thanks to YOU! You’ve been such a lovely audience and I’ll miss you all terribly!

Grrrh! Grrrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh!
Grrh! Grrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh!!

No, you useless PA! I don’t mean that eye candy. I mean THIS!!

xxLOL LOLA:)　

LOLA'S DELICIOUS DAY IN MARVELLOUS MARBELLA!

For dear blogpals in the UK with its rather wet

summer and those in the southern hemisphere

winter, I thought you might like to spend the

day in HOT HOT Marbella! First we’ll drive into

town (the cops in the sidebar are our chauffeurs

for the day! Clive’s got the day off - said he’s

tired from all that hanging around in the sidebar

below),have a stroll around the old town before

lunch, then on to Puerto Banus for some serious

retail therapy! Above is the map for the route we’ll take...
But first, hop aboard our Rolls Royce Silver Spirit!

or the just unveiled Bentley Mulsanne!

Or there’s this Harley D for those who’d prefer
more thrills & spills (especially if my PA’s driving!)

Let’s first drive through the famous Marbella Arch

stop for coffee in busy Plaza de los Naranjos

and wander around the streets of the old town
before lunch in our private room at Novelli’s

And here’s Jean-Christophe to prepare lunch!

Bon appétit!

And now on to Puerto Banus!

Quick, let’s make for the marina

and our own private yacht for coffee, liqueurs and, er,
people watching!

Phew! Let’s work off lunch by hitting the shops!
Psst! There’s a shedload of expensive designer

shops here! And that means only one thing: we and

our debit cards will be best friends once again :)
But wait, let’s get our bearings...

and have a look first at Loewe...
Is that someone you know outside?

and over there at Lanvin too?!!

Fine, let’s go next to Bulgari...

and then on to Vuitton! Wow!

Next up Hermès! What shall we choose?

and at Jimmy Choo’s?

But it’s getting late, we’re all exhausted and our

chauffeurs over there are looking so impatient!
But, hey, here’s Valentino waving us goodbye!
Well, we did flash the cash, didn’t we!!

Grrrh! Grrrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh!
Grrh! Grrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Grrh!

What a great day; great sunset too, eh?!

And you’ve all been such wonderfully witty

company! But where did YOU splash the cash (real or

imaginary)?! Hope you can join me again next

Thursday for a drive up into the hills to some

of Andalucia’s famous white villages...
See you then!

And this Saturday too for some of Lola’s

last-minute vacation wear ideas!! xx

xxxLOL LOLA:)

A LITTLE OF WHAT LOLA LOVES (& GETS!)

POWER CRAZE: HUGE SHOULDERS,
BOOTS & LEATHER - LOTS OF IT!

In this first A LITTLE OF WHAT LOLA
LOVES (AND GETS!) Monday spot, I’d
like to share with you what I’ve got
my eye on in these latest
FALL/WINTER 2009 CATWALK TRENDS!
Which is your favorite?

BOOTS
Or, rather, WADERS? (Prada)

TROUSER SUITS
Or 1980’s shop assistant?
(Comme des Garçons)

HUGE SHOULDERS
Worn with skinny bottom half to avoid
looking like, well, an armored tank!
Red & black the color mix of the season.
Back to Dynasty & Dallas maybe -
Flock of Seagulls hair optional!
(Marc Jacobs at Louis Vuitton)

SKIRT SUITS
Everywhere. Strong-shouldered
again & hour-glass (Lanvin)

LBD
The "I know what I want and I know how
to get it!" or " **** me" dress! (Balmain)

HOUNDSTOOTH
Everywhere from Comme des
Garçons to (here) Alexander McQueen

DRAPE
Everywhere (Balenciaga)

LEATHER
Black leather and studs (Goth meets
biker wear?) everywhere too (YSL)


Well, what do you think? The boots look
good to me but do they come in my paw size?

Alfie would love the biker wear - just the
ticket to impress Tara on his Harley D!

Overall, though, my favorite’s the Drape
- always has been, ever since Armani
first appeared on the scene and I
managed to get a very small piece of
draped heaven in a super sale!

But what’s YOUR favorite trend? And, more
importantly, how might it look on YOU?

Well, to help solve this potential dilemma,
I’ve asked Clive (hanging over there in the
sidebar) to model one exclusively for us!
And as the late, great Stringer Bell in
THE WIRE would say, "Y’all feel me?"

xxxLOL LOLA:)

INTERVIEWED BY OPRAH ~ OOPS, LOLA!! (PART 1)

The Peerless Pink Lemonade Stand and Hilarious Henrietta at In An Ideal World both tagged me to answer some questions about myself. (Confidentially, the Divine Oprah’s after me too, but she’ll just have to wait in line!) And so I started dictating my profound thoughts to my PA, Nora, but she simply couldn’t keep up with my runaway train of thought, my stream of consciousness musings (she called it "verbal diar..." something, anyway, a word that didn’t sound at all ladylike!) so I thought why don’t I simply interview myself in preparation for Oprah’s interview with me? Or should I say, mine with her? So here goes:

Lola: What’s the biggest mistake you’ve ever made?

Me: Hiring Nora as my PA!!

Lola: List 15 things you wish you could do.

Me: Well, there’s just the one really (though seems like 15) - to find a half-competent replacement!

Lola: List 15 things you did yesterday.

Me: I put 15 ads in local rags for that replacement!

Lola: List 15 things you’re looking forward to.

Me: Scouring all 15 papers to find that perfect PA!

Lola: Describe yourself in four words.

Me: Beautiful, brilliant, charismatic, charming, scintillating, wonderful, amusing...

Lola: Hang on!! That’s already more than four...

Me: New Labour Puppybaccalauréatacadémie (where I was educated) wasn’t very hot on sums. Well, wasn’t really hot on anything much except how to look beautiful and stylish ... And, anyway, all your questions are making me really sleepy. (Yawn). Ooh, I feel a little siesta coming on... Where’s my basket? (Snore)

Me: Oh! You’re still here. Excellent! Where were we? Oh, and would you like a churro-flavoured Bonio biscuit?

Lola: No thanks, just had my lunch. Now, some say you’ve been a bit quiet lately. Why’s that?

Me: Quiet? Well, let’s see. I’ve been quiet because I haven’t been very noisy.

Lola: And why’s that?

Me: Well, that’s a bit of an awkward question. Let me paws for thought...

Lola: Well, let me put it another way. What’s been, to date, your lowlight of 2009?

Me: That’s easy! Firstly, getting bitten by those DREADFUL Processional Caterpillars and secondly, being treated by that equally DREADFUL clumsily insensitive male vet with those dog-awful industrial-sized suppositories! I was REALLY quiet after all that!

Lola: And your highlight?

Me: Well, where to begin? There have been so many lovely awards from my blogpals - look they’re hanging over there in the sidebar (awards, I mean, not my lovely blogpals!). The one at the top, from the Delightful Duchess of Tea,bestowed on me the title of Dame, or rather Damette! Courtiers came flocking over here about my coat of arms (you know, rampant lion, snoring unicorn, that sort of thing). And my good blogpal, Henrietta, suggested one mixing trad and modern featuring me, Lola fighting a dragon dressed in Gucci (me, silly, not the dragon!) Now there’s a thought! Well, if I do have one, that’s definitely what I will go for but I haven’t been able to find any nice pic to show the courtiers. I wonder if any dear reader has one for me? So in the meantime, what I want is something much more practical, something my dear readers and fans will appreciate! In other words, a REPLICA LOLA! And another dear blogpal Heavenly Housewife found one in Liberty’s of London! A white chocolate ME! But there are lots of other Lola replicas now on the market like the ones below. I particularly like the calendar ones. Calendar Girls, be afraid. Be very afraid!!

Lola: Well, I've lots more questions for you but you're falling asleep again! And don't forget: you’re to pass on this tag to 15 NEW BLOGGERS too!

Me: Ooh, that’s sooo difficult! They’re all sooo wonderful. Just 15, you say? But you're quite right, these have been tough, hard-hitting questions you've asked and all these profound thoughts have made me sooo sleepy... where’s my basket? Can we finish the interview on Thursday and I'll have that list ready too. But do help yourself to a slice of this scrumptious Tarte Tatin below on your way out. And be sure to shut the door otherwise that useless PA of mine will be in here tampering with my pics again...

Grrrh! Grrrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Grrh! Grrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Grrh! Grrh! Grrh! Agh...

SEE YOU AGAIN THURSDAY!!

xxxLOL LOLA:)