'Y' IS FOR *Y*OUR LOLA LIFELINE:LOLA'S GUILTY SECRET!

Hi, I’m back, dear readers! But like all those shameful British MPs, I have a guilty secret! Mine isn’t, though, to do with the acquisition of moats, duck islands and phantom mortgages paid for by the taxpayer, but in not revealing to you, all my dear new readers, some of my beauty secrets! You see, I’ve recently received sooo many requests to my famous Column, Your Lola Lifeline, for advice about how to look great this summer that I’ve decided to update the advice I gave a whole year ago (apologies to all my dear, older, oops, loyal readers!).

Apologies, too, about the delay in posting this urgent and essential information! As you know, my P.A., Nora, recently had to travel to the UK which dragged on ‘cos of bizniz ishoos till THIS week! And of course, since she’d turned off that laptop thingie, I couldn’t deal with all the shedloads of fanmail in her absence! Believe me, I’ve got zillions more fans than Lady Gaga!

Anyway, now I’ve access at last to you, my dear readers, I am going to reveal a little more about myself. And let you into the secrets of my FAME! Not just a few secrets, mind - but TEN! My top TEN tips of loveliness, no less - hitherto secrets known only to me! So listen up!

LOLA’S TOP TEN TIPS OF LOLA~LOVELINESS!

1. Never leave the house without the most on-trend coiffure.

You never know, maybe a model scout, seeing your gorgeous ‘bichon head’ while out shopping may insist you’re the next Kate BichonMoss!

2. Never leave the house without the most on-trend designer outfit.

You never know who’s dogging your every move snapping away like a corgi on crack. Before you know it, you too could be on the next cover of ChienVogue!

3. Move gracefully. Show tact, charm and charisma at all times.

Bo Obama, the FDOTUS (pictured below), might even pick up a tip or two about poise and elegance.

4.Think beautiful thoughts - always.

Even if your P.A. is writing endless drivel, wreaking havoc, unsupervised, before your very eyes and driving you crazy!

5. Say clever things constantly.

Even that USELESS P.A. (above) should pick something up! (Well, maybe not in my P.A.’s case … Should I take on an intern? What do you think?)

6. Think of Daniel Craig in his Bond trunks-scene.

(No! Hang on! Just checking you’re still paying attention at the back there, girls!) Seriously, drink lots of water to keep your fabulous fur moisturised and eat well but sensibly. Now, as you know, I’m quite fastidious but I’m not one of those carb-dodging ladies who are unable to order a dish in a restaurant without five or six qualifications ("Hold the egg white!", "A couple of tiny oysters is all I can manage!", "My bottled water must be from Fiji!"), and then always find some small slice of dog chew or sliver of bonio biscuit to have discreetly removed. No, I eat well but - carefully (got to watch those terrific thighs of mine!).

7. Exercise infrequently, put your paws up whenever possible.

After all, you don't want to end pawsibly muscle-bound like Muscular Madonna, do you?
Ugh! Sooo unladylike! Sooo U-G-L-Y!

8. Show off your fabulous fur décolletage.

After all, it was Elizabeth Taylor who once said: "If you've got it, flaunt it!" And look how many partners she got through!

9. Rest as much as you can.

Always get others to do things - even if it's NEVER to your own high standards. It will give them something to aim at. After all, everyone needs goals! Even, my dear readers, unattainable ones!

10. Aim at perfection - always!
Remember, when all around you are sliding down the slippery slope of sloppiness (left pic), YOU (right pic) will be a BEACON OF BOUNDLESS BEAUTY in a DESERT OF DEVASTATING DEFICIENCY!

Ooh, sooo much effort has made me sooo sleepy (yawn). I need that beauty sleep NOW!

WELL, DEAR READERS, THAT'S MY GUILTY SECRET! WHAT'S YOURS?

XOXO LOLA:)

PS My P.A.'s off for a long weekend, so see you again next week for Alphabe-Thursday - and check out Jenny Matlock's great site!