July 8, 2010

'Y' IS FOR *Y*OUR LOLA LIFELINE:LOLA'S GUILTY SECRET!


Hi, I’m back, dear readers! But like all those shameful British MPs, I have a guilty secret! Mine isn’t, though, to do with the acquisition of moats, duck islands and phantom mortgages paid for by the taxpayer, but in not revealing to you, all my dear new readers, some of my beauty secrets! You see, I’ve recently received sooo many requests to my famous Column, Your Lola Lifeline, for advice about how to look great this summer that I’ve decided to update the advice I gave a whole year ago (apologies to all my dear, older, oops, loyal readers!).

Apologies, too, about the delay in posting this urgent and essential information! As you know, my P.A., Nora, recently had to travel to the UK which dragged on ‘cos of bizniz ishoos till THIS week! And of course, since she’d turned off that laptop thingie, I couldn’t deal with all the shedloads of fanmail in her absence! Believe me, I’ve got zillions more fans than Lady Gaga!

Anyway, now I’ve access at last to you, my dear readers, I am going to reveal a little more about myself. And let you into the secrets of my FAME! Not just a few secrets, mind - but TEN! My top TEN tips of loveliness, no less - hitherto secrets known only to me! So listen up!

LOLA’S TOP TEN TIPS OF LOLA~LOVELINESS!

1. Never leave the house without the most on-trend coiffure.
You never know, maybe a model scout, seeing your gorgeous ‘bichon head’ while out shopping may insist you’re the next Kate BichonMoss!











2. Never leave the house without the most on-trend designer outfit.
























You never know who’s dogging your every move snapping away like a corgi on crack. Before you know it, you too could be on the next cover of ChienVogue!

3. Move gracefully. Show tact, charm and charisma at all times.
Bo Obama, the FDOTUS (pictured below), might even pick up a tip or two about poise and elegance.















4.Think beautiful thoughts - always.

Even if your P.A. is writing endless drivel, wreaking havoc, unsupervised, before your very eyes and driving you crazy!


























5. Say clever things constantly.















Even that USELESS P.A. (above) should pick something up! (Well, maybe not in my P.A.’s case … Should I take on an intern? What do you think?)

6. Think of Daniel Craig in his Bond trunks-scene.



















(No! Hang on! Just checking you’re still paying attention at the back there, girls!) Seriously, drink lots of water to keep your fabulous fur moisturised and eat well but sensibly. Now, as you know, I’m quite fastidious but I’m not one of those carb-dodging ladies who are unable to order a dish in a restaurant without five or six qualifications ("Hold the egg white!", "A couple of tiny oysters is all I can manage!", "My bottled water must be from Fiji!"), and then always find some small slice of dog chew or sliver of bonio biscuit to have discreetly removed. No, I eat well but - carefully (got to watch those terrific thighs of mine!).

7. Exercise infrequently, put your paws up whenever possible.











After all, you don't want to end pawsibly muscle-bound like Muscular Madonna, do you?
Ugh! Sooo unladylike! Sooo U-G-L-Y!



















8. Show off your fabulous fur décolletage.
After all, it was Elizabeth Taylor who once said: "If you've got it, flaunt it!" And look how many partners she got through!














9. Rest as much as you can.
Always get others to do things - even if it's NEVER to your own high standards. It will give them something to aim at. After all, everyone needs goals! Even, my dear readers, unattainable ones!











10. Aim at perfection - always!
Remember, when all around you are sliding down the slippery slope of sloppiness (left pic), YOU (right pic) will be a BEACON OF BOUNDLESS BEAUTY in a
DESERT OF DEVASTATING DEFICIENCY!








Ooh, sooo much effort has made me sooo sleepy (yawn). I need that beauty sleep NOW!

WELL, DEAR READERS, THAT'S MY GUILTY SECRET! WHAT'S YOURS?

XOXO LOLA:)

PS My P.A.'s off for a long weekend, so see you again next week for Alphabe-Thursday - and check out Jenny Matlock's great site!

33 comments:

Pondside said...

Welcome back - I missed that fluffy little face. Thanks for the tips - do you have any suggestions for bat-wing upper arms?

Holly said...

Such a witty and original post - always a pleasure to read!

Jan said...

Hehe couldn´t stop laughing once I´d started reading this! lol

Mike said...

I always get a laugh when I visit your site Lola! You make my day!

Michelle said...

Oh Lola, you're so funny!And such sound advice as always.

tania said...

Oh my, oh my! What a laugh & such great advice too. Who could ask for more? Wonderful post as always Lola.

lissa said...

Lola is sooo cute, especially in the last pic

thanks for your visit

Amanda said...

Well, Lola, thanks for all the great advice! I think my mistake has been not having a personal assistant all this time. To think I've been trying to do it all myself!

teawithonesugarplease said...

You are so right about those Madonna arms - ugly! Happy to see you back

Heavenly Housewife said...

Oh Lola, I do love you, you are fabulous daaaaahling. You put Lady Gaga to shame! I love your beauty tips, you are just like one of those Golden Age Hollywood starlets. No wonder your fan mail gets piled up so high.
*kisses* HH

RNSANE said...

Alas, I am a terrible failure. I am woefully short on your list but I guess it is never too late to start trying with right now! I will have to pick a couple of those that I might have a chance in hell of achieving ( there aren't many, my darling ).

laterg8r said...

divine tips dahling :D

Marie Antionette said...

Fabulous!!! I think this is the cutest post ever.You Go Sweet Pup!!! I love Daniel Graig. I never ever thought Madonna pretty. She is to harsh looking and now thats she's older its showing.Just like I told my daughter when she was a big fan in the 80's.MAMA is always right!!!.Real beauty go to women like Jackalyn Smith(Excuse spelling).
Thanks for calling my attention to this wonderful post.
XXOO Marie Antionette

Annesphamily said...

Hilarious! I laughed a lot here and boy did I need that! Sweet puppy and cute pictures! You are quite clever! Anne

Jo said...

as always yours posts are so fabulous and your advice is well worth passing on to my own little pup! (who thinks she owns me by the way) ... great humour!

Christy said...

lola...you are yummy! you make me laugh!

bermudabluez said...

We just look so forward to reading all of your great advice!!! And your pictures are the BEST!!! You have a beautiful stylist!!! xoxoxoxo Chloe and LadyBug

Berlin said...

Oh, Welcome back!! I've been waiting to hear from you =D

I really enjoy this post! So many things that is just like me. And, My my, I never knew Madonna was that muscular! So many great points that I totally agree =)

Did you see my post 'Skinny Boney'? She's so fun!

Much love,
Berlin

paige said...

I love this. LOVE IT. Do you hear me?

My parents have a Bichon called Vai. She's absolutely precious. :)

jfb57 said...

Quite a delightful post!

Brenda said...

Well Lola sure keeps herself up. At our house Ladybug runs from the brush.

Jingle said...

welcome back.
what amazing and cute collections of images and ideas.

fabulous post!

Lourie said...

I love the tips! Especially the one about Madonna! Yikes!

Theresa said...

Lola is so darn cute!!!

H said...

I think I could really use one of those stress reduction kits right now!!

Draffin Bears said...

Oh how wonderful to see you back, my dears ~ have missed all your witty posts.
I enjoyed reading all your advice on how to look beautiful this summer.
I just love the before and after shots and know how sweet smelling you would be.
Also not a good look for Madonna, too manly.
Thanks for all you share and I hope that you are having a fabulous weekend and lapping up some gorgeous sunshine.

Hugs
Carolyn

Short and Sweet said...

Hysterically funny!

JasonBirk佳琪 said...

It takes all kinds to make a world.............................................................

Jenny said...

Nora!

First of all I am on Chapter 3 of your book AND I LOVE IT!

Second of all, your link went to a weird place but I changed it.

And last but not least...I love this stop on our little journey through Alphabe-Thursday's Letter "Y"!

You are so clever and fun.

You always make me smile...although today I will admit to gagging just slightly at Madonna's muscular arms!

Thanks for being such a splendid contributor to this meme.

Yippee for us all!

A+

婷珊 said...

Nothing comes from nothing.............................................................

Melinda Cornish said...

great advice Lola.........

linda said...

Stress Reduction Kit! Bang Head Here!
Bwaaahaahaaaaa......too funny.
I loved this post, cracked me up it did.

云依恩HFH謝鄭JTR安 said...

路過留言支持~~~..................................................................