First, another query from my puppy-nephew,Alfie (left).
1. Dear Aunt Lola,
We´ve got real problems where we live. ´Cos it’s quite a peaceful area, the empty roads attract motorcades of learner drivers practising endless manoeuvres in gearbox wrecking and pavement vaulting. One of these days, they’re going to ram my beloved Harley Davidson! Any suggestions, Aunt Lola?
The only way to get driving instructors to take their clients elsewhere is to have children playing out in the street in quiet residential areas. However, since kids today refuse to set foot outside when they could be slouched in front of a computer playing “hack and slash” Mortal Kombat or emailing suggestively provocative images of themselves to their bestest new internet friend, Rudi in Rumania, you’re going to have to put up with the screeching gear shifts - unless you can persuade a group of pals like your Mum and Tamara (above) to join you for five-a-side football in the street – a sort of Kiddies’ five-a-side World Cup. (There’s probably a grant available from UEFA to encourage this kind of thing, too.) P.S. Well, perhaps on reflection, not Tamara…
I am agonising over the best end-of- term gift to buy for my daughter’s teacher. It must be super flashy and attention- grabbing, and large enough to dominate her desk and the playground as we wait before class (other parents here in Chelsea are so competitive!). What do you recommend? Please don’t suggest anything handmade as we ran up a papier maché, hand-painted, scale model of Buckingham Palace last Christmas filled with antique miniature furniture from Harrods, and not even my flashing Easter egg could top that.
What you really want is for the other children, especially the girls, to gasp with shock and awe. A pony or several crates of champagne would be ideal, and a lovely change from the gallons of cheap scent, iffy soap and supermarket chocolates that most teachers can expect at this time of year. Alternatively, she may prefer some artwork for her flat which could well earn you some extra brownie points. For instance like this CLICK HERE
Dear readers, that’s my advice to Mrs Gold-Ingot- Coutts. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for her - or any other aspiring Yummy Mummies (right).
3. Next we have a query from Ms WAG (below)
In company last week, a woman said to me: "Your earrings are gorgeous. Where did you get them? I can't wear cheap earrings myself." What response would you have given?
"I'm not surprised. With your looks, you must need all the help you can get. Incidentally, are you in any way related to this person?” CLICK HERE!
Dear readers, that’s my advice for Ms WAG. Agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for her?
Well, dear readers, sadly that’s all we have time for today! But remember, if you have any problems or queries you’d like me to respond to (dealt with anonymously if preferred), don’t hesitate to let me know (or my PA, Nora) in the COMMENTS BOX BELOW! However weird, outlandish, insoluble it may seem, I’ll have an answer to that Desperate Dilemma of yours! So why hesitate any longer? Go on! Write to me, Agony Aunt to the Stars, in the comments box now!
And remember, YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! - your lifeline to a saner, more harmonious, beauteous world. And now I’m going to creep back to my basket for my beauty sleep (yawn), but do help yourselves, my dear readers, to the Laduree Wedding Cake and macarons (below) on your way out! Oh, btw, I shall be MIA for the next few days ’cos Nora’s off on another brief business trip and, as you know, she’s the one who transcribes all my deeply profound thoughts! But, like Arnie (left), I WILL be back very, very soon!! Promise!!
Have a great Alphabe-Thursday! And check out other Alphabe-Thursday posts @ Jenny Matlock’s great site!