January 25, 2010


Well, dear readers, welcome to this decade’s very first edition of YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! And my postbag is full to bursting with queries and dilemmas from so many of you! And, as usual, I’ve picked out the most urgent and pressing to share.

First up, another query from my nephew, Alfie (above). Ooh, Nora! You are sooo useless! Most incompetent PA ever! Post the pic of Alfie immediately...!

Dear Lola,
The good news is that Tamara (right) and I are back together again! The bad news is that we both have wildly differing tastes in music. She likes songs to slit your throat and wrists to while I love really happy house tunes! When driving, we have enormous arguments about what to listen to. This problem has escalated so that we now either sit in silence or listen to a Spanish Radio news programme, Radio Nacional de España (RNE), as it seems to have a calming influence and shuts us both up. My worry is that we're about to drive to France on holiday, which means hours and hours of sitting in a car and I’m not even sure if we can get RNE in France. Any suggestions, Aunt Lola?

Dear Alfie,
Don’t take any CDs (or tapes if you have an old car) with you, so you will have to rely solely on the radio. After being exposed to French broadcasting for that length of time, you will both realise that however appalling you think the other’s musical taste is, nothing in the world is as bad as Gallic pop. And before you know it, Alfie, Tamara will be all smiles for Valentine's Day.
Dear readers, that’s my advice to Alfie. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for him?

2. Next up is a query from Mrs T Bag, London:

Dear Lola,
Help! I’ve just found a louse on the head of MY child! What should I do? I’m pulling my own hair out with worry!

Dear Mrs T Bag,
Easy! Get rid of it! And, when you’ve done that, remember to be very careful when dealing with the louse. Cruelty to animals including insects arouses a great deal of passion among animal welfare campaigners! Particularly here in Southern Spain among bull fight aficionados! Within 30 km of my home there are 3 bull rings with twice weekly corridas where all the bulls are wonderfully treated before being gored to DEATH. Sooo H-O-R-R-I-D! Incidentally, Mrs T Bag, you may be interested in a related article on canine ticks I’ve just come across in our local paper:
Last month’s article, Top Tips on Ticks, read: "A good preventative measure is to crush a small clove of fresh garlic into your dog’s foot several times a week." The word "foot" should have read "food."
Dear readers, that’s my advice to Mrs T Bag. Agree/disagree? Other suggestions for her?

3. Next we have a query from Sir Fred Goodwhine, Scotland (above)

Dear Lola,
I’m desperate! I urgently need money but my bank won’t lend me any! What can I do to persuade them to make me a loan?

Dear Sir Fred,
Easy peasy!! Simply play their own game - and offer them a really fantastic set of saucepans!

Dear readers, that’s my advice to Sir Fred. Agree/disagree? Other suggestions for him?!

Well, dear readers, sadly that’s all we have time for today! But remember, if you have any problems or queries you’d like me to respond to (dealt with anonymously if preferred), don’t hesitate to let me know (or my P.A., Nora) in the COMMENTS BOX BELOW! However weird, outlandish, insoluble it may seem, I’ll have an answer to that Desperate Dilemma of yours! So why hesitate any longer? Go on! Write to me, Agony Aunt to the Stars, in the comments box NOW!And remember, YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! - your lifeline to a saner, more harmonious, beauteous world.
And now I’m going to creep back to my basket for my beauty sleep (yawn), but do help yourselves, my dear readers, to the patisserie on your way out! Oh, and by the way, I shall be MIA for the next few weeks ’cos Nora’s off on another business trip and, as you know, she’s the one who types up all my deeply profound thoughts! You’re such a lovely audience and I’ll miss you all terribly till I get back! But, like Arnie (above), I WILL be back!! AND before the fat lady sings! Promise!!

NB Because of Blogger problems, I’m blocked from accessing the Comments Box link of several sites (inc. Looking Fab in Your Forties, Information is Everything, Nicnacmaniac, La Bohème, My Enchanted Home etc). If I haven’t left a comment at your wonderful site, it’s because I’m blocked there too! My sincere apologies until this is sorted!
Mwah! LOLA:)


ken said...

Well, Lola! You had me in fits this time!Absolutely hilarious -best thing that's happened to me all morning (&probably all week!!)
Glad you won't be away long.

Alice said...

Great post Lola hehe!made me roar with laughter here in the office-everyone came to look.Eeeks!
See U again soon!

Alice x

Heavenly Housewife said...

You are truly wise my darling Bichon. I don't know what we will do without you while you are gone.
Gorgeous tea goodies my dear. I definitely will be helping myself to some ... ;)
*kisses* HH

maryt/theteach said...

Nora, I don't know where to start. I'll comment after I stop laughing!! Where, how did you get that angry face on Lola? Whoop! I love all the rest of it except the louses Ha! :)

Debby said...

LOL...That Lola is just too funny and smart. What a howl. Fun post!

jackie said...

Oh Lola! your nephew Alfie is a scream-not to mention his girlfriend Tamara! what an expression-priceless!Haha! Fun post as usual!!

Hugs,Jackie xx

michelle said...

My oh my Lola!how I laughed- couldn't stop,almost fell offmy chair!

Dont be long-we all miss you too much!Where elsewill we get our lola fix?

michelle xx

tania said...

Sooo funny lola, Alfie & Tamara! Liked the lice answer too!Too much! - see you soon! miss youxx

Anonymous said...

Lola does angry so well!...Thank you for your comment,Sock garters really are fun!have a gr8 week...x

Maggi said...

Oh Lola, you are so wise! :D Tell Nora to be safe in her travels, we'll miss you both!

Jenny said...

So funny. Your pictures just add to the humor of this post - great job! Travel safe! And have a great time!

chubskulit said...

Hahahaha although it made my stomach ache a little bit, I still thank you for making me laugh so hard tonight.

My Ruby Tuesday

laura said...

GREAT post!!


Thanks for the smiles Lola!
Fab travel!!
I still can't believe the terminator is now the governor of California!

Joops said...

I have a good laugh on this, thanks!

Cleveland Airport for Ruby Tuesday

laterg8r said...

fabulous advice all around darling :D

Draffin Bears said...

Great post and loved the angry look on Lola, precious.
Thank you for making me smile today.

I hope that you are having a wonderful week

trishie said...

I gotta try that saucepan trick with my bank!

GypsyFox The Glamorous Betty Crocker said...

LOL!!!!!!oh how I've missed you & Lola!!! thanks for stopping by my blog!! this was a GREAT post, as all of your blog is! xoxo

French Fancy said...

You do make me laugh but isn't it about time you changed the Dylan track? Just saying.

Looking at the pic of a young Brad, what on earth has possessed him to now have that stupid beard?

Nezzy said...

This old Ozarks farm chick is laughin' hard enough to roll me right off the haywagon. You are quite the comedian dear girl. I'm so glad I popped in.

From the hills and hollers of the Missouri Ponderosa, ya'll have a wonderfully blessed day!!!

Bhavesh Chhatbar said...

There's an award for you on my blog. Take it and showcase it on your blog!

Beautiful Walls

Anonymous said...


Melissa said...

What would we do without your advice column? I shudder at the thought.

I love reading your posts.

Happy Sunday!

Haute World said...

Fantastic advice! I love this feature on your blog ;-) Oh yeah, and I couldn't agree more about Gallic pop! Hahaha...

Holly Loves Art said...

Very very funny.... giggling all the way through! Happy trails...

Draffin Bears said...

Many thanks for coming to visit me today, dear ones.
Always great to have a visit from you and to be able to come and see you both.
I have helped myself to a petite cake from the patissserie, thank you, but really did not need it.

Happy week

daylily777 said...

Lola, I think your advice is wonderful ! Thanks so much for a bright spot in the middle of a dreary winter day . Tell Nora , Hello,& I hope you are safely home soon.

Sherri said...

Yes! You are a Bright spot! Thanks!

Bhavesh Chhatbar said...

Wassup! No new post for a long time!! I hope all is well :)

Wednesday Wallpapers — Subscription

Duchess of Tea said...

My darlings, wishing you all a love filled Valentine’s Day, full of laughter, good food and great company.

Love & Hugs

Mitt eget krypin said...

Have a nice evening/
Ulla & Brian Sweden

Self Sagacity said...

Interesting! Came by to say hi!

French Fancy said...

Are you okay? It's been a while