September 5, 2009



Well, dear readers, it’s the first week of a new month and that can only mean one thing: YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! And my postbag is full to bursting with queries and dilemmas from so many of you! And, as usual, I’ve picked out the most urgent and pressing to share.

1. First up is another query from Alfie, my puppy-nephew (above). Alfie, as you know, is a keen Harley-Davidson fan and he desperately wants to travel to the US this summer to attend a big HD rally. But none of his close relatives, particularly his Mom, Sadie (right) are willing to take him. Alfie is heart-broken at the prospect of missing this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. What should he do?
Ooh, Nora! You are sooo useless! Most incompetent PA ever! Post the pic of Alfie
below immediately...!

Dear Alfie,
I have just the ticket, literally! This summer has just seen the launch of Pet Airways the first pets-only airline which runs a weekly service to five US cities. Pets travel in a Beechcraft 1900 that can hold 50 animals, two pilots and one pet attendant. It promises to transport pets with "love, care, safety and comfort" in the main cabin (any owners must travel on regular flights - they aren't even allowed to fly in cargo!). Since the first flights will be for dogs and cats only, you’re in luck, Alfie! Check your pet passport’s up-to-date and off you go - on your OWN! And, on arrival, do check into a Paw Seasons Hotel and order their canine special, Leash and Potato soup! And let’s hope you don’t get dogged at every step by puparazzi! Bone voyage! *groan*

Dear readers, that’s my advice to Alfie. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions?

2. Next up is a query from the British Secret Service, MI6 (left), which is advertising for a health and safety adviser to "keep our staff safe as they go about their work protecting the country against these threats" & "promote a positive safety culture".
What sort of advice do you think MI6 should be given? Here's Lola's:

Dear MI6,
When visiting the headquarters of the evil Blofeld empire, always remember that white cats may cause an allergic reaction. Oh, and before your next mission, Mr Bond, please read every leaflet you can lay your, er, hands on about the dangers of venereal disease...

Dear readers, that’s my advice to MI6. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions?

3. And finally, an email from an 18-year-old New Zealand boy, Michael, who’s in a real dilemma concerning his mother, Jennifer.

When she recently ordered him to clear out the garage and sell unwanted items, he was so outraged, he tells me, he sought revenge by putting up for sale on TradeMe, an internet auction site, some eight-year old "glamour" photos he found of her in suspenders and thong under the title "Five Naked Photos of My Mum". When she found out, she called him a "cheeky little git". But she became truly angry, however, when the site took the photos down because "we don’t really want to be the place where people sell pictures of their mothers in their underwear". Michael says she’s now INSISTING he put them (and some others too) back up or else - ’cos in her words: "They are artistic. There’s nothing dodgy about them. I want 50% of the sale, but, more than that, I miss the NICE comments." What should Michael do to appease his mother?

Dear Michael,
My advice is to encourage your mother to start blogging where she’ll get lots of "nice comments" from nice, new blogpals - provided, that is, she doesn’t post any of those D-R-E-A-D-F-U-L photos you sent me... U-G-H!! U-G-H!! U-G-H!!

Dear readers, that’s my advice to Michael. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions?

Well, sadly that’s all we have time for now, dear readers! But remember, YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! - your lifeline to a saner, more harmonious, beauteous world!

And now I’m going to creep back to my basket for my beauty sleep (yawn), but do help yourselves, my dear readers, to a piece of Laduree candy (below) on your way out! And many thanks for your comments, visits and follower links this week! Oh, and by the way, I shall be MIA for the immediate future - don’t know when I’ll be back unlike Arnie (right) - ’cos Nora’s off on an extended business trip and, as you know, she’s the one who types up all my deeply profound thoughts! But it’s been a great ride...thanks to YOU! You’ve been such a lovely audience and I’ll miss you all terribly!

Grrrh! Grrrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh!
Grrh! Grrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh!!
No, you useless PA! I don’t mean that eye candy. I mean THIS!!



Heavenly Housewife said...

Oh no :( I will miss you so much!!!!!! I hope you won't be gone for too long, the bloggosphere only has one fabulous bichon, and she will be sorely missed. I await your return with bonio flavored macaroons.

Eva said...

Ooh! I can't believe it -we're going to be without our bichon-fix??!!

This is the best blog in the whole of blogland- what are are we all going to do?!!

I'm distraught!! Help!!!

laterg8r said...

hopefully your PA will get her act together again soon. where else will the wayward, lovelorn people get their advice? perhaps you could bribe her by allowing her a few photos of 007 or Wolverine, without growling at her, every once in awhile?! :D

Tracey said...

Lola, I always love what you have to say and find it so informative.. give you PA some slack,, anyone who post a picture of Clive Owen can't be all bad!

londongirl said...

Oh no :( we'll all miss youtoo much!!!!! you cant leave us!! where will we be without our lola lifelinewisdom -so hilarious yet so witty too!

do please come back as soonas you can!


Dustjacket Attic said...

Oh I was liking this post till the end. I've lost my train of thought on possible answers.

That's very sad, I really hope you will be back. I've loved getting to know you (both) and blogworld will be different without you :(

Much love and hugs from DJ,
au revoir

Draffin Bears said...

This was such a great post and so much helpful advice here, for all your lifeliners questions.
You even had someone from little old NZ ~ wow!

Have a great time away but we will miss you here and will be happy to see you when you come back.

happy weekend

Amanda said...

I don't like the sound of that sign off!
Truly hope you'll be back soon...
The blogosphere (and I) will miss you.
Amanda xx

Michelle said...

Oh Lola...another entertaining post! I have never ever heard of the pet airlines. I love it! How long will Nora be gone? We will miss your columns!! Oh and thank you for the beautiful eye candy of Clive. Hubba hubba!!


Clarity said...

How can one not miss a girl and her erm... Lola who plays Dylan on her blog - DYLAN, Dear God, come back :)

Maggi said...

Nooooooooooooooooo you will be so missed! *sniff*sob*

Thank you for your fabulous insights and advice, I think you were right on the money!

Take care, we'll miss you both!


well, ladies - go forth and be happy - have fun and lots of chocolate along the way - and come back soon!
happy trails - jenean

French Fancy said...

Any old excuse to see Daniel Craig stripped off, eh Nora ?

Have a great trip, stay out of trouble and come back soon


Jessica Cangiano said...

Don't go Lola darling, wherever will I get my daily dose of doggy whit and wisdom??? Can you possibly clone yourself and leave the clone behind to blog in your absence? ;D

I'm just teasing, my dear blogging duo, I hope you have a marvelous trip!

Oodles of hugs!!!
♥ Jessica

Shopaholic said...

I just get back and your off...??? what????

lovely advice as ever lola, remarkable really.

ps. and i just realised your blog has music and everything, I usually have the sound off.

Come back soon pretty please xxxx

Duchess of Tea said...

Darling Dame & Damette, this blogland will not be the same without you!!! So please hurry back. My Damette Lola Award is ready and I was going to post it this week, now I will wait for your return. I hope the tiara was packed. I will miss you.

Love & Hugs

Anonymous said...

I'm an 18 year old Bichon named Lucky......and I had a hard time getting here. I'm blind so mom does my typing. Don't leave.....I just got here!!!!!

daylily777 said...

Lola, I hope you don't stay away too long,we will miss you terribly. You are brilliantly funny as usual& Nora is a very good typist.;-)
ps I hope Alfie gets to his HD Rally

LENORENEVERMORE said...'ll be very much missed by many! hope you'll be back darrrling! Kisses*

Marie Antionette said...

First off I'm going to be very upset that your going to be absent without leave.I am having my one year annivarsary and I need your name in the hat.Be there or be square.
Let the doggie go on his trip.As long as you keep close tabs on him and has all his shots and passport up to date.
Well I think Mum should do her own dirty work.I think it was kind of sick for him to post the pictures,but eeven sicker for her to want him to put them back up.i agree with you.She should get a blog and post them herself.Nothing wrong with her doing it that way.I'm all for the glammer shots.
Oh I forgot.I would gladly let James Bond have his way ,but I also agree he needs to keep up on his VD test.And keep clean on all pet hairs.
XXOO Marie Antionette

Melissa said...

This is sad news. I adore you, Lola and your blog.

Best wishes to you.


A Cuban In London said...

This is such a witty column. Loved the item on the 18-year-old. Well done, keep up the good work.

Greetings from London.

jordiegirl said...

Oh, I will miss you so much Lola - do hurry back - you are such a cutey.

Heavenly Housewife said...

Dear Lola and Nora,
Just was thinking of u and thought I'd stop by. Hope you come back soon. Miss you.
*kisses* HH

londongirl said...

when are youboth going tocome back to us?NOONE CAN MATCH LOLA INTHE WHOLE BLOGOSPHERE !!!its been too longalready!!!
we all missyou TOO much!!!xoxoxo

Mz. Spider said...

Hi Lola & Nora! Missed you two very much. I'm slowly working my way back into the blogospere, and you're leaving. It's just not right. *sniff* For some reason I lost you ladies in my "followed" list, but I've found you. All is not lost. Anyway, I hope you both have a lovely break. Hurry back soon.


Eva said...

When is the best blog in whole blogland going to return to us?? Was totally addicted & Im now suffering huge withdrawal symptoms... Help!

mia said...

Came across yr blog via yr novel, The De Clerambault Code!Just finished it - terrific read, best novel this year! Terrific blog too-so witty,clever & entertaining.Such a contrast to so many other blogs around nowthat just post pretty pictures of blank-faced models wearing beautiful clothes none of us will ever buy & all of us can see for ourselves in Vogue anyway! No commentary, no captions,no words, nothing! How clever is that?

No, I'll stick to being entertained by the one & only clever Lola! Wherever you are Lola, please come back SOON!You're missed too much by too many!!

The Vintage Kitten said...

You will be missed. Please dont stay away too long X

Dustjacket Attic said...

Hi there where-ever you are. Just wanted you to know that I think of you guys often and hope everything is okay. Miss you.

Chloé said...

hey !
just realized it has been so long!!

I loved your post!funnyxDDD


elysianfields said...

Discovered yr blog from yr novel The deClerambault Code too!Wonderful read- a thriller wish I'd come across & published myself!Had so much fun with this blog as well.Has to be one of the best around-not surprising coming from the same writer! Keep it up and hope you return really soon.

Frieda Babbley said...

Michael ought to open a website for his mother's photos. People should be able to select and order them on mugs, calendriers, photo prints, etc. (autographed costing more of course). There should be a guest book as well as a "My Mum's Naked" forum or comments section. And a paying memebers discussion page for those who would like to compliment her "in person" so to speak. All monies should go to mum, of course.

The eye candy... simply yummy. I would love some mailed straight to my home, please!

sophie said...

Also came across yr site after reading yr thriller The de Clerambault Code recommended by a friend who'd enjoyed it so much!Terrific read- a page turner to top all page turners-couldnt tear myself away till I'd got to the very end!Agree with with all comments above- great post- great blog! Come back soon-everyone misses you! (plus looking forward to yr next novel too - can't wait!)

NicNacManiac said...

Miss you!!!!

ModernMom said...

Thinking of you so thought I would drop you a line! Hope all is well on your trip!!

gill said...

also discovered your novel from all the comments above. Agree is best thriller ever, great read-kept me up late atnight till very last page!Love this blog too-so funny& witty!Keep it up- please!

astrid said...

Thinking of you too after finishing yr novel, so thought I'd drop you a line like previous commenters!great thriller, great blog- hope it won't be much longer before we start hearing from you again!Miss you!!

claire said...

Work excruciatinglylong hours so relaxing is essential & something I can only do with a good novel.Yours- the de Clerambault Code- that i got on Amazon after reading the fantastic reviews thereis riveting!love this site too!come back asap!xxx

Henrietta Bird said...


I just thought I'd stop by - I've been away from the blogworld and was just thinking how I have to crack on back in again....

So imagine my distress as you are still away! When will you be back Lola? Tell that Nora Assistant the blogworld needs her!

I hope you are having a jolly time somewhere in the real live world but poo and wee that you aren't here in the pretend one.

Hope you're back soon!

Henrietta B

prashant said...

just realized it has been so long!!

Work From Home India

Marie Antionette said...

Hi Hon,
I just wanted to stop by to wish you the Merriest of Christmases, I miss you Dear...
XXOO Marie Antionette