LOLA'S GUILTY SECRET! ~ WHAT'S YOURS?

Like all those shameful British MPs, I have a guilty secret! Mine isn’t, though, to do with the acquisition of moats, duck islands and phantom mortgages paid for by the taxpayer, but in not revealing to you, my dear readers, six secrets about myself after being tagged A-G-E-S ago by the Fabulous French Charming!

The reason, however, isn’t totally ma faute. Nora (my useless PA; well, need I say more?) recently had to travel to the UK for a long weekend which dragged on ‘cos of bizniz ishoos till THIS week! And of course, since she’d turned off that laptop thingie, I couldn’t communicate with all my fans and deal with all the shedloads of fanmail in her absence!

Anyway, now I’ve access at last to you, mes chers lecteurs, I am going to reveal a little more about myself. And let you into the secrets of my FAME! Not just six secrets, mind - but TEN! My top TEN tips of loveliness, no less - hitherto secrets known only by me! So listen up!

LOLA’S TOP TEN TIPS OF LOLA~LOVELINESS!

1. Think beautiful thoughts - always. Even if your PA is writing endless drivel and wreaking havoc, unsupervised, before your very eyes.

2. Say clever things constantly. Even that USELESS PA (above) should pick something up! (Well, maybe not in Nora's case …)

3. Move gracefully. Show tact, charm and charisma at all times. Bo Obama, the FDOTUS (above), might even pick up a tip or two about poise and elegance.


4. Never leave the house sans the best possible coiffure. You never know, maybe a model scout, seeing your gorgeous ‘bichon head’ while you’re out shopping may insist you’re the next Kate MossBichon!


5. Never leave the house sans the best possible outfit. Ditto # 4. You never know who’s dogging your every move snapping away. Before you know it, you too could be on the next cover of ChienVogue!


6. Think of Daniel Craig in his Bond trunks-scene. (No! Hang on! Just checking you’re still paying attention at the back there, ladies!) Seriously, drink lots of water to keep your fabulous fur moisturised and eat well but sensibly. Now, as you know, I’m quite fastidious but I’m not one of those carb-dodging ladies who are unable to order a dish in a restaurant without five or six qualifications ("Hold the béchamel sauce!", "A couple of oysters is all I can manage!", "My bottled water must be from Fiji!"), and then always find some small slice of dog chew or sliver of bonio biscuit to have discreetly removed. No, I eat well but - carefully (got to watch those terrific thighs)!


7. Exercise infrequently, put your paws up whenever possible. After all, you don’t want to end up muscle-bound like Muscular Madonna, do you? Ugh! Soooo unladylike, soooo U-G-L-Y!

8. Show off your fabulous fur décolletage. After all, it was Elizabeth Taylor who once said, "If you’ve got it, flaunt it!" And look how many husbands she got through!

9. Rest as much as you can. Always get others to do things - even if it’s NEVER to your own high standards. It will give them something to aim at. After all, everyone needs goals! Even, mes chers lecteurs, unattainable ones!


10.Aim at perfection - always. Remember, when all around you are sliding down the slippery slope of sloppiness (left pic) , YOU (right pic) will be a Beacon of Boundless Beauty in a Desert of Devastating Deficiency!

Oh, sooo much effort has made sooo tired… (yawn). I need that beauty sleep…NOW!

Well, dear readers, that's MY guilty secret. What’s yours?

LOL LOLA !

P.S. Off tonight to Novelli's as I reported in previous post - and you, my dear readers, will be the first to hear of any scoops! Before I go, however, you ought to know I've given Nora, my useless PA, a verbal warning for general ineptitude (the final straw: being left incommunicado for TWO weeks!) She needs to watch her step. Three strikes and she's out...!