June 20, 2009

LOLA'S GUILTY SECRET! ~ WHAT'S YOURS?


Like all those shameful British MPs, I have a guilty secret! Mine isn’t, though, to do with the acquisition of moats, duck islands and phantom mortgages paid for by the taxpayer, but in not revealing to you, my dear readers, six secrets about myself after being tagged A-G-E-S ago by the Fabulous French Charming!

The reason, however, isn’t totally ma faute. Nora (my useless PA; well, need I say more?) recently had to travel to the UK for a long weekend which dragged on ‘cos of bizniz ishoos till THIS week! And of course, since she’d turned off that laptop thingie, I couldn’t communicate with all my fans and deal with all the shedloads of fanmail in her absence!

Anyway, now I’ve access at last to you, mes chers lecteurs, I am going to reveal a little more about myself. And let you into the secrets of my FAME! Not just six secrets, mind - but TEN! My top TEN tips of loveliness, no less - hitherto secrets known only by me! So listen up!

LOLA’S TOP TEN TIPS OF LOLA~LOVELINESS!

1. Think beautiful thoughts - always. Even if your PA is writing endless drivel and wreaking havoc, unsupervised, before your very eyes.

2. Say clever things constantly. Even that USELESS PA (above) should pick something up! (Well, maybe not in Nora's case …)

3. Move gracefully. Show tact, charm and charisma at all times. Bo Obama, the FDOTUS (above), might even pick up a tip or two about poise and elegance.


4. Never leave the house sans the best possible coiffure. You never know, maybe a model scout, seeing your gorgeous ‘bichon head’ while you’re out shopping may insist you’re the next Kate MossBichon!


5. Never leave the house sans the best possible outfit. Ditto # 4. You never know who’s dogging your every move snapping away. Before you know it, you too could be on the next cover of ChienVogue!


6. Think of Daniel Craig in his Bond trunks-scene. (No! Hang on! Just checking you’re still paying attention at the back there, ladies!) Seriously, drink lots of water to keep your fabulous fur moisturised and eat well but sensibly. Now, as you know, I’m quite fastidious but I’m not one of those carb-dodging ladies who are unable to order a dish in a restaurant without five or six qualifications ("Hold the béchamel sauce!", "A couple of oysters is all I can manage!", "My bottled water must be from Fiji!"), and then always find some small slice of dog chew or sliver of bonio biscuit to have discreetly removed. No, I eat well but - carefully (got to watch those terrific thighs)!


7. Exercise infrequently, put your paws up whenever possible. After all, you don’t want to end up muscle-bound like Muscular Madonna, do you? Ugh! Soooo unladylike, soooo U-G-L-Y!



8. Show off your fabulous fur décolletage. After all, it was Elizabeth Taylor who once said, "If you’ve got it, flaunt it!" And look how many husbands she got through!

9. Rest as much as you can. Always get others to do things - even if it’s NEVER to your own high standards. It will give them something to aim at. After all, everyone needs goals! Even, mes chers lecteurs, unattainable ones!


10.Aim at perfection - always. Remember, when all around you are sliding down the slippery slope of sloppiness (left pic) , YOU (right pic) will be a Beacon of Boundless Beauty in a Desert of Devastating Deficiency!

Oh, sooo much effort has made sooo tired… (yawn). I need that beauty sleep…NOW!

Well, dear readers, that's MY guilty secret. What’s yours?

LOL LOLA !

P.S. Off tonight to Novelli's as I reported in previous post - and you, my dear readers, will be the first to hear of any scoops! Before I go, however, you ought to know I've given Nora, my useless PA, a verbal warning for general ineptitude (the final straw: being left incommunicado for TWO weeks!) She needs to watch her step. Three strikes and she's out...!

20 comments:

ModernMom said...

Inspiring post as always.
My guilty secret...I rely on caffeine to get me thorough the day. It gives me that doe caught in the head lights, wide eyed look all the supermodels have :) LOL

Heavenly Housewife said...

Lola, such wise words. I am considering printing all of that out. I should probably read them as daily affirmations!
p.s. are you aware that in the UK they have made an ice lolly in the form of daniel craig? whats your thoughts on this? Is it a cool summer treat or is it just unseemly? I defer to your opinion.
http://justjared.buzznet.com/2009/06/01/daniel-craig-ice-pop/

tales from an oc cottage said...

Tooooo cute!!!


m ^..^

She Means Well... said...

Wonderful words of wisdom from the Divine Lola!

Nora Johnson said...

Hi ModernMom!
Nora has that doe-caught-in-the-headlights-wide-eyed-look all day WITHOUT a drop of caffeine!! Useless eh?!!
Thanks for dropping by (still having problems accessing yr page though!) xLOL LOLA:)

Hi HH!
It seems to me, HH, we girls have to take our kicks WHENEVER we can -whether it's a cool summer treat or just plain unseemly!
xLOL LOLA:)

Hi Tales from an oc cottage!
Well, thank you! And thanks too for stopping by! Look forward to seeing you again! xLOL LOLA:)

Hi Mandi!
Glad you enjoyed the fun - and thanks too for dropping in! "The Divine Lola"! My head is still spinning at such a flattering description.. but yet sooo APT!
How VERY perceptive and perspicacious you are! xLOL LOLA:)

Moonspinner said...

LOLA ... Why oh why did you put Daniel in there, you know I have a slight problem with trying to concentrate when that ...(...slightly breathless here) image comes up! (btw HH, I just won't go there with the iced lolly).

Sorry, I'm off to look more closely at Daniel ... what was that you said about top 10 what?

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Moonspinner!
Had the tiniest suspicion you & *HH* would zoom in on one particular pic! Wonder why... puzzling! Post could have been a treatise about Papua New Guinea Birdsong & I'm sure the result would have been the same! Now, "The Divine Daniel & The Lovely Lola" has a certain ring to it, don't you agree?! Must start the ball rolling with a signed photo of moi direct to HIS PA...!

Have great Sunday!

xLOL LOLA:)

*

The Vintage Kitten said...

Ooh my guilty secret is eating chocolates in the boudoir!!! Ssh dont tell anyone! Hee Hee X

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Vintage Kitten!

Gorging on chocolates in EVERY room is one of my other guilty secrets too! (Fortunately doesn't show beneath all that fabulous fur!)But I promise not to tell anyone else if you do the same!

Thanks for stopping by - lovely to see you again. Have a great Sunday!

xLOL LOLA:)

PS Thanks so much for becoming a follower - I’m sooo flattered!

Karyn - (French Charming) said...

Oh Lola,

You are so wise and fabulous! What wise advice you have offer, I need to work on #3, especially the grace part!

Big hugs to you and Nora!

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Karyn!
From your pics you look just as fabulous as moi - such a beautiful coiffure! (Please pass on some tips to Nora - she desperately needs all the help she can get, poor thing!)

Hope you had a fabulous weekend too! Nora had a huge number of her Spanish friends to lunch & dinner yesterday so was whacked by midnight - ended up looking like the puppy in the final pic - comotose!

Have a fabulous week & see you again soon!

xLOL LOLA:)
PS Congratulations on your fantastic giveaway! Marvellous idea, great fun!

MissRedLips said...

aww! that is the most adorable post i've read in a long time! happy to have found your blog!

Darla: Retro Ways said...

Ohh my your doggie is so cute. Great blog. Thanks for stopping by mine I hope you come visit often! ♥

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Miss Red Lips!
Why, thank you so much for such a lovely comment! Glad you liked the photos & fun - more to follow from Lola!
Will be back at your terrific site again soon!
Have a great week & take care
Nora:)
PS Many thanks for the follower link - so flattering!

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Darla:Retro Ways!
Thank you so much for the sweet comment - so pleased too you enjoyed the photos & fun (more to follow if Lola has her way...!)
See you again soon at your superb blog,
Take care,
x Nora:)
PS Thank you too for the follower link - so flattering!

Jessica Cangiano said...

Lola dear, I really don't think you could get any more adorable - or wise, for a puppy! I love all your tips, especially the last three. You and your mommy (Nora) put together a barkingly good post! :)


Big hugs to you both,
♥ Jessica

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Jessica!
Ooh, I'm sooo flattered by your sweet comments I'm blushing furiously! And I'm sooo pleased you appreciate my advice & wisdom -how very WISE & PERCEPTIVE you are though of course I do love all my dear readers!!
Look forward to seeing you here again soon - my LOLA LIFELINE column will be appearing very shortly!!
xLOL LOLA:)

Moonspinner said...

Lola, on the downlow here shhh ... I haven't ditched Daniel for Ryan, I'm just hedging my bets .. and what about HH, I mean George was all the go and now she's talking about my Daniel. Geez friends ... I tell you .... may need a session lolz you up for it??

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Mme Moonspinner!
Message just taken over to yr place as a matter of urgency - hope you get it before you turn in!
xLOL LOLA:)

Karyn - (French Charming) said...

Oh Lola...you are so sassy! I LOVE it! Thanks to both of you for your kind words...I adore you both!

Hugs,
Karyn