June 16, 2009

LOLA'S BACK!! ~ YOUR LOLA LIFELINE!


You know, these should really be called The Lola Diaries ’cos what I’ve got to say is sooo much more intelligent and interéssant than the drivel and waffle that woman with the wild, fair hair writes. The reason, mes chers lecteurs, is très simple! Here in the southern Mediterranean, ALL canines are permitted INSIDE restaurants where we don’t just collapse on the floor, endlessly lick our privés parts and drool listlessly but, au contraire, we pick up all kinds of information you humans shamelessly hurl about en particulier when you’ve had a bouteille too many of Puligny Montrachet or (my favourite!) Château Pétrus.



For instance, one of my chums (pic above) close to the PM, Señor Zapatero, in Madrid regularly picks up in restaurants and in Señor Zapatero’s own Palacio de la Moncloa not just snippets of the latest gossip about other leaders (Ooh, M Sarkozy!! Ooh, S. Belusconi!! If you only knew!!) but top, top secrets as well. (But as a lady, I couldn’t possibly comment… In fact, I’m blushing now but you would never know - all that fabulous fur you understand.) Moreover, this Saturday, Norawoman is taking me to Jean-Christophe Novelli’s new restaurant in Marbella (Señora Noriega is going out with Juan Antonio) so, ’cos it’s a top French restaurant, one should expect a better breed of canine there and, who knows, I just might pick up yet another e-x-c-l-u-s-i-v-e for you!


But enough of that and back to The Lola Diaries which I know you’re just itching to hear more about! Now, since my fanmail is getting so huge, I’ve been doing a bit of thinking and have come to the conclusion I should put myself about a bit (you know, like all those wanabee singers and actors and failing prime ministers). And go on YouTube! But then I overheard Norawoman (as you know, I made her my PA though she’s pretty hopeless), muttering (she thinks when I’m lying in my basket with my eyes closed, everything else is closed down too) how naff that would be ’cos only needy people like Susan Boyle and Gordon Brown go after PR on YouTube.

So, until my fame goes truly GLOBAL and the Delectably Divine Duo (Oprah and Obama) come knocking on my basket (meanwhile I’ll steer clear of Jonathan Ross - I don’t want any embarrassing messages about MY love life left on the answer machine - and the British Government Minister who recently took a peek at my website!), I’ve decided to do what I do best. Namely to give advice. To you, chers lecteurs. Totally free. Ever since I was a puppy in New Labour puppybaccalauréatacadémie, you understand, my advice was always being sought and so I feel it incumbent on myself - no, my duty! - to pass on these snippets of my wisdom.


One day last week, for instance, I had a long, serious chat with my puppy-nephew (above) about his future. “I’ve been giving the matter a lot of thought recently, and I’ve finally come to a landing. I want to do absolutely nothing useful with my life,” he admitted at last, removing his iPod with a yawn and rolling over on his side to face the sun. “But why don’t you take a more positive attitude?” I replied. “Why not become a small-time crook? A cowboy roof builder, a layabout on benefit scams, a bag snatcher, a mugger of old people, drive a black Seat at 140kph on Spanish roads at the same time tailgating and overtaking on the inside lane, become a call centre robot, work for one of the Chinese Triads, maybe become a real hoodlum and apply for an intern post in one of the banks still left standing.” He chewed loudly on yet another Bonio as he thoughtfully considered my advice. “The bank idea sounds OK,” he answered, stifling another yawn, “although I’d rather steal from them. If I must work, I’d prefer to have a more lasting effect on the country, something that will go down in history. If I’m going to grow up to become a crook, I want to be a REAL crook!” “Well, in that case,” I replied after the briefest of pauses, “why don’t you become a Member of Parliament, the British Parliament?” And if he takes my sound advice, there’ll be no end of opportunities for all his accomplishments…


Pro tem, I’ve decided to call my advice column YOUR LOLA LIFELINE!. Pro tem, you understand, ‘cos, when my fame truly does go international, I may have to change it. After all, all my fans in the Middle East may think I’m offering help with my lifeline to those ghastly pirates off their coasts! So, if you have any problems or queries you’d like me to respond to (dealt with anonymously if preferred), don’t hesitate to let me know (or my PA, Nora) in the COMMENTS BOX BELOW!

However bizarre, outlandish or insoluble it may seem, I’ll have an answer to that dilemma of yours! So why hesitate any longer? Go on and write to me, Agony Aunt to the Blogosphere, in the comments box
NOW!

And remember, YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! - your lifeline to a saner, more harmonious, beauteous world. Just like mine in fact!

LOL LOLA!


P.S. As you know, I'm a French breed and adore all things French! The lovely Karyn at French Charminghas a French giveaway (which would look sooo charmant on my coiffure commode!). Go visit her gorgeous site now!

30 comments:

Nora Johnson said...

Henrietta: Your code at the end of the previous post is SO witty! I could go on & on adding to it in the same vein for ever! Can see you enjoy a sense of the ridiculous like me!!

Look forward to your next posts,

Nora:)

Nora Johnson said...

ModernMom: Thanks for stopping by a little while ago! Will be over to yr site asap!

Take care

xNora:)

Nora Johnson said...

Moonspinner & Karyn: Thank you both so very much for your concern & good wishes. Wonderful to have such lovely blogpals - very much appreciated!

And as you can see, Lola is back!! With a vengeance!!

See you at yr place soon!

xxNora & Lola:)

PS Just reading your latest message, Moonspinner, am getting a bit apprehensive about imminent arrival here on Costa del Dire Straits of blogopolice!

Nora Johnson said...

French Fancy: Thanks so much for stopping by again on previous post!! Will be over to yr place now you're back too. (Had a shortish hiatus here!)

Take care,

x Nora:)

Heavenly Housewife said...

Lola daaaahling, so glad u r back and ready to offer some sage advice! Moi was wondering when you and your PA would be returning. Hope Nora had a pleasant time in England. Nowvthat she Is back u will need to keep a watchful eye on her, it's so true, good help really is so hard to find.
*smooches*

Karyn - (French Charming) said...

So nice to see you back Nora...just in time as I was going to put an "All Points Bulletin" out on you and Lola!

That Lola is one sassy lady and thank goodness I now have a Lola Lifeline!

Thanks for the "shout out", so very kind of you!!

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Karyn:
Thank you so much for your concern & best wishes! You (and Moonspinner) are REAL blogpals!

And Lola's here too ready & waiting with her Lifeline!!

See you again soon!

xx Nora & Lola:)

Moonspinner said...

Well LOLA, I know you like to keep us on the edge of our seats ... but really!!! You know we have to have our lola fix, so no nicking off for long periods ... okay!!

Of course it was a stupendous post Lola, but you know that! Please pass on my fondest hello's to your PA!

I'm sure you can help me out with a bunch of personal issues ... I'll just have to narrow it down for you ... that could take some time. In the meantime big hugs and xxx
ps love all the family and friend pic's your nephew sounds like hard work, good on you for trying to pass on some much needed advice!!!

Miss Whistle said...

Welcome back! You were missed!
xo Miss W

pinklea said...

Ma chère Lola - c'est un plaisir de te lire, comme toujours! I do have a small question with which I hope you can help me. DD and I are heading to Greece and Istanbul in two weeks. We'll be gone for 18 days. I'm looking for some advice as to what clothes I should bring. I know it will be hot and sunny, and we'll mostly be hanging around ancient ruins rather than beaches, and I also am bringing only one small suitcase. I'm sure you've been to Greece many times, but this will be my first time, so any advice would be greatly appreciated. Merci, ma belle!

Nora Johnson said...

The Divine HH!

Got slightly out of sync with replies above - sooo much wonderful fan mail you understand! Nora's still heaving the postbags up to my office-basket as I write. You are sooo right - I've got to keep an eye on her! Good help is IMPOSSIBLE to find here in Spain!

Now do bear in mind if you (or Hubby!) have the tiniest dilemma (like how to get into the Ritz with less than 6 months' notice) do write to Your Lola Lifeline!!

See you again soon!!

xxLOL LOLA:)

Nora Johnson said...

Marvellous Moonspinner: Sooo pleased you like my post & family pics! And am really looking forward to helping with my Lola Lifeline in any way I can!!

See you again soon!

xxLOL LOLA:)

Nora Johnson said...

Magical Miss Whistle: Why thank you sooo much for stopping by!! Sooo wonderful to have such great blogpals who appreciate MY oeuvre (unlike Norawoman's inane witterings)!

Love to LA!

xxLOL LOLA:)

btw thanks too for the follower link! Sooo flattering for MOI!!

Nora Johnson said...

Ma chère Pinklea!
Merci beaucoup pour ta réponse. Tes mots me plaisent infiniment et je suis si contente que mon oeuvre te fasse tellement plaisir!!

I have noted your query regarding the Divine DD & yourself and will shortly reply in my next YOUR LOLA LIFELINE advice column!

Please pass on my best wishes to all my fans in Canada!

See you again soon!

xxLOL LOLA:)

Chloé said...

thank you for visiting my blog and leaving such a nice comment!
Don't hesitate and take a little time to read earlier posts if you want to xDD
so I'd be glad to hear from you soon:)
Love,
Chloé

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Chloe!
Thanks so much for stopping by and, yes, I'll be back at yr place just as soon as I can!

Take care!

xx Nora:)

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Nora, J'adore your blog my dahlink! I am now cyber-stalking you as a follower... Your tales, and that woozle, Bichon Frise, are to treasure, and I was not in any way swayed to join up by your inclusion of that photo of Senor Banderas!

I have enjoyed this introduction to your world and your writing, and shall be looking out for your books - Merci mille!

I love it that we have French Fancy and Belgian Waffling, at least, already in common! Mwah!

Nora Johnson said...

A Woman of No Importance: Thank you so much for yr kind words AND becoming a follower! So pleased you like my blog - I've also added yours to my follower & blogroll links!

Incidentally, we've not only French Fancy & B Waffling in common but also Pinklea & Fragrant Liar - all marvellous sites!

Already looking forward to stopping by yr site again soon,

Take care,

Nora & Lola:)

Holly Loves Art said...

Bonjour aux tous les deux vous Nora and Lola! What a lovely post and so much fun to see cute photos! The little nephew pup is just too adorable! I have a little handmade Harley hat that a friend made me about 15 years ago for my first Bichon, Chloe. I would dress her in it from time to time for a laugh. I used to tell her she looked so "butch" in it! ha ha!

Have a wonderful day!

Holly

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Holly: Great to see you again! I thought you would like the photos in this post - particularly after seeing Albie in yours! He's sooo handsome Lola is quite smitten!

Have a great weekend!

LOL Nora & Lola:)

French Fancy said...

Bichons are the best dogs ever - official!

Nora Johnson said...

Hi French Fancy! You are absolutely correct. As a breed, we are so unbelievably intelligent!! Hope you enjoyed meeting some of my chums & relatives! See you again soon.

My regards to Misty & Poppy (who are both sooo beautiful! Maybe we're all related?)

xLOL LOLA:)

Heavenly Housewife said...

I am just writing to let you guys know that Lola's advice is truly sage worthy! Lola, in fact I have done that before and it has worked quite nicely. I make one or two of my own dishes and then I buy food from an Indian restaurant. I put it in my own plates and sprinkle it with a bit of corriander and viola... home cooking! You sneaky little minx, u were able to figure it out so easily and here I thought I had some special tricks up my sleeve. Clever creature.

Nora Johnson said...

Hi HH!

I've got some other ideas (not advisable for YOUR in-laws though!) which I'll include in an upcoming YOUR LOLA LIFELINE column!

xxLOL LOLA:)

btw thanks for the instant *FEED*back!!

Michelle said...

Nora! Nice to meet you....and oops....Lola! Nice to meet you first and foremost. :) What a funny, funny and entertaining blog you have here. Tell your PA she has done a wonderful job and can't wait to read more!

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Michelle!

Thanks for stopping by - so pleased you enjoyed the fun here! And I'm looking forward to reading through your earlier posts!

LOL LOLA & Nora:)

Lemon Shortbread said...

Lola you're so cute =)
Nora, thanks for dropping by my blog and the lovely comment, glad you like it!

Nora Johnson said...

Lemon Shortbread:

Many thanks for stopping by - I'm pleased you enjoyed the fun!

Will be back soon to yr place to read through earlier posts!

Have a great weekend!

Nora:)

PS Always enjoyed stopovers in Singapore from the Far East! A really vibrant city!

Jessica Cangiano said...

Lola darling, I just had to tell you that I don't believe I've ever seen a dog look as strikingly fabulous in glasses (and shades) as you do! :)

Thank you - and your dear mommy Nora - for your wonderful comments on my blog, I appreciate them very much.


Have a gorgeous week - big hugs!
♥ Jessica

Robin Feltner said...

The last picture is the way my Bichon looks most of the time. I need to cut eye holes in her fur today so she can start seeing again. :)