May 11, 2009

GUEST POST: A HISTORY OF MY LIFE IN 10 1/2 PARAGRAPHS!



Bonjour! I'm Lola and that Boris woman with the wild, fair hair has just left me to take Señora Noriega to her boyfriend, Juan Antonio. Señora Noriega, you see, doesn’t drive which is a shame because there’s nothing more délicieux than sitting in a convertible with the breeze rippling through your fur and cooling you down un peu in this heat.

You know, it’s already getting sooo hot here in Andalucia. In fact, I saw my first gecko yesterday in my garden, in my favourite spot soaking up the sun - always a sure sign of the arrival of summer. And, as for July and August with temperatures in the nineties, well, I dread to think how I’ll cope (yawn). I’ve tried Boris woman’s shades but they keep slipping and getting lost way down in all the fur. Sooo much fabulous fur you understand.

Now, sooo many of you, mes chers lecteurs, have asked how I’ve become so well-read and accomplished, speaking French like your average homme in the rue. (Or, should I say, caniche BCBG?) Well, the answer is très simple. Je suis française: And le résultat of all those years in New Labour puppybaccalauréatacadémie studying Chienbaudelaire, Chienvoltaire, Caninecalculus, chienphilosophie (ChienFoucault, ChienDerrida, ChienLyotard - oui, vraiment!) and sooo much else besides... But all this talk about my history and accomplishments is sooo fatigant (yawn), I feel another petit siesta coming on …

Speaking of all my accomplishments, however, does lead me on naturellement to Bo Obama. The Portuguese water dog aka Portie. The FDOTUS.

I bashed out the splash on him in my earlier guest post exclusively on Boris woman’s thingie. Namely, that it was a totally political decision to have as FDOTUS a PWG and not a Bichon ’cos Sarkozy aggravated so many at the G20 summit that the choice of a French breed at the time would have been hors de question.

Well, what are his accomplishments then? You may well ask! Bien sûr, he’ll be useless as a presidential guard dog - I mean, those webbed feet! In fact, I still haven’t fully recovered from a GHASTLY nightmare I recently had - the POTUS being chased by terrorists from the White House and that Portie diving for cover in the Potomac dogpaddling downstream as fast as his webbed feet would take him! Well, as I warned everyone then, what good are webbed feet to the POTUS on land?

But enough of the flip flow of one liners and glib assessments and down to the nitty gritty. And the EXCLUSIVE scoop you’ve all been waiting for… Apart from the fact he can’t hope to match the Bichons for agility, Portie suffers from one HUGE disadvantage. He may be friendly but he’s absolument pasphotogenic.

Dark, furry animals, you see, are notoriously difficile to photograph and the results in newsprint end up as featureless, amoeba-like blobs. La Maison Blanche should have asked the advice of one of the snappers who dog their every step. A Bichon, renowned for its looks and poise, would have been a parfait choice. Even an ugly, ugly mongrel with a patch over one eye - like Bill Syke’s mutt, Bullseye, a real character in the film Oliver - would have been préférable!

President Obama’s spin doctors not only missed the chance of countless, countless photo ops - starring yours truly (plus the President, too, of course way off in the background) - but have also complètement exaspéré countless, countless photo editors! Who are now demanding he change the dog for one beaucoup plus jolie - more like me in fact!

Oh that Boris woman is back again to write more drivel - who’s interested anyway in (yawn) Nightjack, Orwell or K-a-f-k-a. Ugh! Such ugly, ugly names and boring, boring stories - sooo unlike the history of my life. Anyway, I'd better jump in the basket, smile sweetly (it always works) and let her caress my fabulous fur.

PAWNOTE: That’s me in all my pulchritudinous pedigree above and in the side bar. As if anyone could confuse me with that human with the wild, fair hair…(yawn).

LOL LOLA!

42 comments:

Nora Johnson said...

Moonspinner: Merci beaucoup pour votre message! Spoke to Boriswoman but she is such a technophobe she's only been able to send you HER pic -says will do her best to send mine as well ('cos I stressed how much YOU appreciate TRUE beauty!)
PS How is the little puppy? I am sure that, when he gets bigger, he'll be as beautiful as me!
Au revoir et a bientot!
LOL LOLAxxx

Nora Johnson said...

ModernMom: Thanks so much for yr kind words. So glad you liked the previous post - always enjoy yours too!
Thanks again for stopping by and all good wishes to Ontario!
xNora.
PS Added yr blog to my blog roll -a very select list!!

Nora Johnson said...

Tattyhousehastings: Many thanks for stopping by previous post! Yes, Spotify hits the spot for me! Not publicly available in Spain (hence practically NO commercials), it's only by personal invitation. In my case for journalistic reasons (am blushing furiously as I write!)

Love yr blog & am also yr newest follower! Anyone who enjoys comments as much as I do must also enjoy having a new follower! (Have also added you to my blog roll which, as you can see, is a most discerning list!)
Look forward to seeing you again soon!
xNora

Nora Johnson said...

Moonspinner: Just looked and MY pic is in yr side bar!!! OOH, I'm sooo thrilled...Sooo much beauty surrounded by sooo much beauty - I feel sooo much more at home there than here with that human with the wild, fair hair...!!
LOL LOLA xxx

Moonspinner said...

I was sooo heureuse to hear from you, was overcome that you have managed to persude boriswoman to add important things to her site. Really I don't think she could manage without you! So happy to have photo at my site too, I know .... it should have been you but we must not be unjuste she tries! Au revoir beau/belle Lola xxxx

Moonspinner said...

Nora, I really hope the book is going well and all our fun is not getting in the way! Our blog pals probably think we are fou/folle. Au revoir xx
ps left comment at mine too.

tattyhousehastings said...

Nora - I love followers! But am sadly a little embarassed about whole thing, and hide them half way down page. You must be a wonderful journalist indeed to have access to speedy information...
Bev

Heavenly Housewife said...

Hey Nora, thanks for checking out my site. I had a look at yours too. In a way, you are like me, in that life has taken you to some wild and wonderful places. Andalucia... how fabulous is that?! Kisses to Lola, that's one fantastic poochie :D! Maybe I will have to learn to make some doggie treats eh?

Nora Johnson said...

Moonspinner: Been doing some pieces of journalism (not had any time for book unfortunately!) but having great fun at the same time! (Lola too!)
And as she would put it, au revoir pour le moment! xx

Nora Johnson said...

Tattyhousehastings: Thank you for adding me to yr blog roll and for stopping by!
Will stop by yr place again soon.
Best wishes,
Nora

Nora Johnson said...

Heavenly Housewife: Thank you so much for yr visit and yes we do share a certain wanderlust(?) - me to Los Angeles (and now Andalucia) and you to the UK!
Love yr site & will pop back again soon.
Nora
PS Lola simply loves ALL doggie treats!

The Vintage Kitten said...

Hi Nora, Thankyou for visiting me and leaving such a lovely comment. Lola is adorable, this kitten could seriously fall in love with your doggy! I see what you mean about her writing abilities, my Pippin wouldnt be able to sit that long so wont be writing any guest posts soon!! How fabulous, living in Andalucia, lucky you X

Nora Johnson said...

The Vintage Kitten: Lola & I thank you so much for stopping by. Pippin is certainly more active than Lola who was worn out just looking at yr walk together! And what fantastic pics! You live in a beautiful part of the country - just what I miss here in Spain when all colour is leached out of plant life by the summer heat!
Look forward to stopping by yr place again soon,
Nora x

Bes

diclarkjapan said...

Oooh, Lola, vous etes trop fantastique!

ModernMom said...

Such a lovely little post, and such a beauty of a puppy. Too true that Obama must not have considered photo opps when picking his puppy!
Thanks once again for your witty comments and adding me to your blog roll! I will continue to follow along your adventures with great interest:)

Heavenly Housewife said...

I thought Lola might find this amusing:
http://www.foodbuzz.com/blogs/us/california/san_francisco/1079509-can-you-tell-p-t-from-dog-food-

Nora Johnson said...

Diclarkjapan: Ooh, je suis tres heureuse de votre visite dont je vous remercie beaucoup! Mais maintenant, avoir avoir ecrit tant de mots avec de tres petites pattes, je suis si fatiguee que je dois retourner a ma niche pour me recuperer!
A bientot et mes salutations au japon!
LOL LOLA

Nora Johnson said...

ModernMom: Many thanks for stopping by again and the great comments.
Love yr blog too!
Regards as always to Ontario!
xNora

Nora Johnson said...

Heavenly Housewife: I only eat freshly prepared food - have never tried canned dog food - so unfortunately I wouldn't be any better able to judge than those humans in the test! (Except I don't drink!)
It's pate all the time for me!!
Merci beaucoup pour votre visite aussi!
LOL LOLA

The Secret Beauty Blogger said...

Hi Nora, Just a quick note to say thanks so much for your lovely message and I'm glad you enjoy it! Loving yours too xx

Nora Johnson said...

The Secret Beauty Blogger: Many thanks for stopping by & particularly for becoming a follower - am most flattered! btw I've done likewise, also adding you to my blog roll!
Love yr posts too!
xNora

Melanie said...

Hi Nora, thank you so much for your kind comment on my site. xxx

Nora Johnson said...

Melanie:Thank you for stopping by and yr kind words.
Will visit again as soon as I can!
Best wishes
Nora

ModernMom said...

Me again!
I left a little award over on my blog for you. Hope you like that sort of thing:)

pinklea said...

Mais Lola - tu es, comme d'habitude, absolument correcte: to be the First Dog, being photogenic is everything. That poor Portuguese Water Dog hasn't a hope. Mais, toi et moi - voilà deux chiens magnifiques, n'est-ce pas?

Moonspinner said...

Just had to say Merci for your too kind comments about my site on HH's site. Oh, I'm feeling quite humble.xx
ps read reviews for last book on amazon, that's one tense book by the glowing reports.
pss LOLA, I didn't quite manage to kidnap the little puppy, so am still puppy-less but you are helping to fill the void.Au revoir xx

Nora Johnson said...

ModernMom: Thank you so much for the award! And I'll ensure it gets buffed up every day like a true Oscar - and promise it won't EVER be used as a loo door stop!
See you again soon,
x Nora

ModernMom said...

LOL You are Welcome!

Nora Johnson said...

Pinklea: Tu as tout à fait raison. If faut absolument être photogénique comme toi et moi - les plus belles de la blogosphère. J’espère que le POTUS lit ces blogs et qu’il se rend compte que, toi et moi, nous sommes une inspiration pour tous!
Merci beaucoup pour ta visite et à la prochaine!
LOL LOLA

Nora Johnson said...

Moonspinner: Thank you for yr kind words about reviews of my novel on Amazon - shamelessly promoted for charity since all future sales are going to the superb Andalucia hospice, Cudeca, which provides such an outstanding service for expats & Spanish alike. I'll be writing a post about it soon since it's just received Hollywood A-lister backing (in addition, that is, to Lola's!)
xNora
PS LOL from LOLA!

French Fancy said...

Hello there - we are both bichon lovers - you have Lola and I have Misty and Poppy. Will return to study your blog at length soon but just wanted to stop y and say hello

Miss Kris said...

Hi Nora!

What a LOVELY guest post! Who knew such a pretty "Lola" could write so eloquently! Bravo Lola!!!! BTW…Nora, Lola is ADORABLE!!!

~Miss Kris~

Floss said...

Hi Nora (and Lola), thanks so much for dropping in to my blog (and checking out my literary and musical tastes - I'm not sure if you're the first person to do that or simply the first person who bothered talking to me after they've discovered the weird truth!)

Anyway, as a blog follower, you are now officially given one entry into my giveaway. If you fancy another chance to win some slightly bizarre French and Scottish vintage/handmade goodies, do pop back and leave a comment on the giveaway post.

Nora Johnson said...

French Fancy: Thanks so much for stopping by - I'll be back to yr site again very soon too!
Love to Misty & Poppy from Lola
Take care
Nora

Nora Johnson said...

Miss Kris: many thanks for yr visit! And yes, Lola does have quite a lot to say for herself - soon she'll need a PA to reply to her fans!
Looking forward to returning to yr lovely site soon to read through earlier posts,
Take care
Nora

Nora Johnson said...

Floss: Thank you so much for stopping by! I'm looking forward to returning to yr terrific site to read further & also check out the giveaway!
With all good wishes
Nora

She Means Well... said...

It's always good to connect to other transplanted Brits scattered around the world. I bet that your experiences in Spain are probably not all that different from mine in Greece.

There must surely be black-clad denizens populating your neck of the woods, just like the ones I describe in my latest post: "Athens Portraits: The eternal martyr".

Will be checking in regularly to catch up with your news....

Mandi.

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Mandi: Thank you so much for stopping by and I'll certainly be popping back to yr terrific site regularly too!
Take care
Nora
PS Many thanks also for becoming a follower - hugely flattering!

Karyn - (French Charming) said...

Hi Nora,
Thank you so much for visiting my site and for your comment. Lola is so cute, I want a little dog so bad. I'm going to go check out some more, hope you're having a great weekend!

Moonspinner said...

Bonjour, thank you again for very flattering comments on other blogs ~ I see your comments on other sites and feel like having a comment back to you there, but stop myself lol.xx

French Fancy said...

Lola - hello sweetie. I'm really glad the President did not choose a bichon. I'm sure you agree that they are not the easiest dogs to own because of the amount of time that needs to be spent on their beautiful coats.

If they became even more popular it could mean that even more get stuck into rescue because their owners did not realise how diligent they have to be with that white double coat.

Nora Johnson said...

French Fancy:
How right you are! I agree with you that we bichons are quite high maintenance but we do appreciate all that grooming - 'cos we're worth it!
Best wishes to Misty & Poppy
Au revoir pour le moment,
LOL LOLA:)