Can’t sleep? Not getting your work done? Don’t see your friends anymore? Don’t remember your husband/partner/kids’ names? Your cat/dog gone to live next door? Well, read on… Help is at hand in this free introductory offer!
"Hi! I’m Nora and I’m an addict! Yes, I am ’fessing up in public! And yes, I am no longer in denial. I am… a BLOG ADDICT! There, I’ve got the words out and feel ever so much better. Ever so much better, in fact, since I joined BlogAddictsAnonymous!"
Simply take the following test (it’s really short, so won’t take up too much valuable blogging time). The test is FREE! A free introductory offer! An offer you simply can’t refuse - the solution you’ve been waiting for to all your problems. (And see below for special two-for-one limited offer - tell your blog pals!)
Read the following statements, see if you agree with them, add up the score at the end and check below how BlogAddictsAnonymous can help YOU too!
DO YOU AGREE WITH THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS?
- Your computer's down - and you're taking it out on the cat, the kids, everyone. (Sound familiar? Award yourself 10 points)
- You've nothing to talk about.
If you’ve nothing to talk about, there’s no need to write 10 paragraphs about how you have nothing to talk about. Perhaps tomorrow, or the day after, you may fancy doing a post. It’s all a question of what else there is to do around the house, in the garden, to the car, to the kids to the cat, on Twitter (Yes? Another 10 points)
- The most interesting thing you did in the past week was read a newspaper. Nobody is interested which paper you read. Except if, of course, you are as iconic as David and Victoria Beckham when it will inevitably spark a media circus ( enter, stage left, Max Clifford), 200 different YouTube videos, Facebook and Bebo log-ins and websites like (davidandvictoriabeckhamopennewspaperandread.com). (Yes? Yet another 10 points)
- Everything has already been said: in print journalism (in articles like the one below), broadcast journalism and blogs.
You’ve just published a post: "How to increase traffic to your site". (You’re trying to beat Guido Fawkes’ record of more than 120,000 visitors a month.) However, about 100,000 bloggers got there before you. (Yes? 10 points)
- Nobody will read your post and your granny hasn’t the faintest idea how to switch on the laptop.
If you find you have 50 visitors tracked by your Hit Counter, don’t get too fired up. You’ve simply pressed the refresh button 50 times. (Yes? 10 points)
- You really don’t have better ways to spend your time.
Such as talk to people, get a life (real, not virtual). (Yes? 10 points)
- You can’t be arsed to list more than 7 points from yet another meaningless Top 10 list. You’d much rather be back at that ******* laptop. (Yes? 10 points)
- 70 Points: You are truly beyond help! But wait! Help may still be at hand if you sign up IMMEDIATELY with BlogAddictsAnonymous!
- 60 Points: There is some hope for you; you clearly have resolve. Show that resolve NOW. By signing up IMMEDIATELY with BlogAddictsAnonymous!
- 50 Points: You have shedloads of resolve. So you shouldn’t have any problem at all signing up, should you?
- 40 Points or less: You’ve clearly already found the solution (why are you still here reading this?) and BlogAddictsAnonymous needs to hear from you NOW! (reasonable rates offered for mentoring initial cohort of BlogAddictsAnonymous patients. Could be a very long, hard slog)
HOW DID YOU DO?
Whatever your score, BlogAddictsAnonymous would love to hear from you! Whether as a potential patient OR mentor! Let us know what YOU think. BlogAddictsAnonymous's mission statement is "to help Blog addicts throughout the blogosphere". This means we will be opening franchises in other countries (starting with the USA, Canada, Australia and the UK). So, if you think you can help/need help (for yourself or others like Nora above), let us know in the comments box below and we guarantee a prompt reply (anonymity guaranteed if preferred).
CONTACT US NOW IN THE COMMENTS BOX BELOW FOR FREE NO OBLIGATION QUOTATION & SPECIAL TWO-FOR-ONE LIMITED OFFER!
What did you do before the invention of computers, the internet, Google? Can’t remember? Paying heed to a recent report claiming that heavy users of social networking sites risk untold damage to their attention sp ... lost your train of thought AGAIN ?…, BlogAddictsAnonymous is here to help YOU by compressing its message into a final, single strapline. Those with the will are welcome to plough on and come up with other reasons to join us but all you need to know is this:
BlogAddictsAnonymous.com is the registered name of BlogAddictsAnonymous, a non-profit organization based in the Cayman Islands (Tel. No. + 00 12345678) managed by Munoz MoneyMaking Machine Inc. (hereafter referred to as 3M). All fees payable should be transmitted direct to the Cayman Islands either via our Swiss bank account or in used euro notes where they will be securely deposited in another offshore tax haven of 3 M’s choice.