May 27, 2009

BLOGADDICTSANONYMOUS - FREE INTRODUCTORY OFFER!


AT LAST THE SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR BLOGGING PROBLEMS!!
Can’t sleep? Not getting your work done? Don’t see your friends anymore? Don’t remember your husband/partner/kids’ names? Your cat/dog gone to live next door? Well, read on… Help is at hand in this free introductory offer!

READ HOW BLOGADDICTSANONYMOUS HAS HELPED NORA (TOP RIGHT, NOT LEFT)!
"Hi! I’m Nora and I’m an addict! Yes, I am ’fessing up in public! And yes, I am no longer in denial. I am… a BLOG ADDICT! There, I’ve got the words out and feel ever so much better. Ever so much better, in fact, since I joined BlogAddictsAnonymous!"

Case Study: Nora was entered into our programme by her employer, Lola (below right), who says Nora used to be a normal, hard-working human. Since she took up blogging, however, Nora’s become much less efficient at tending to Lola’s requirements and so needed our specialist help. IMMMEDIATELY! "I admit I have very high standards and am very demanding with my PA," says Lola. "More so than Naomi Campbell ever was with hers. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t expect those same high standards of Nora whose work now is nothing more than a slapdash mishmash."

READ HOW IT CAN HELP YOU TOO!
Simply take the following test (it’s really short, so won’t take up too much valuable blogging time). The test is FREE! A free introductory offer! An offer you simply can’t refuse - the solution you’ve been waiting for to all your problems. (And see below for special two-for-one limited offer - tell your blog pals!)

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO!
Read the following statements, see if you agree with them, add up the score at the end and check below how BlogAddictsAnonymous can help YOU too!
 
DO YOU AGREE WITH THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS?
  1. Your computer's down - and you're taking it out on the cat, the kids, everyone. (Sound familiar? Award yourself 10 points)

  2. You've nothing to talk about.
    If you’ve nothing to talk about, there’s no need to write 10 paragraphs about how you have nothing to talk about. Perhaps tomorrow, or the day after, you may fancy doing a post. It’s all a question of what else there is to do around the house, in the garden, to the car, to the kids to the cat, on Twitter (Yes? Another 10 points)

  3. The most interesting thing you did in the past week was read a newspaper. Nobody is interested which paper you read. Except if, of course, you are as iconic as David and Victoria Beckham when it will inevitably spark a media circus ( enter, stage left, Max Clifford), 200 different YouTube videos, Facebook and Bebo log-ins and websites like (davidandvictoriabeckhamopennewspaperandread.com). (Yes? Yet another 10 points)

  4. Everything has already been said: in print journalism (in articles like the one below), broadcast journalism and blogs.
    You’ve just published a post: "How to increase traffic to your site". (You’re trying to beat Guido Fawkes’ record of more than 120,000 visitors a month.) However, about 100,000 bloggers got there before you. (Yes? 10 points)

  5. Nobody will read your post and your granny hasn’t the faintest idea how to switch on the laptop.
    If you find you have 50 visitors tracked by your Hit Counter, don’t get too fired up. You’ve simply pressed the refresh button 50 times. (Yes? 10 points)


  6. You really don’t have better ways to spend your time.
    Such as talk to people, get a life (real, not virtual). (Yes? 10 points)

  7. You can’t be arsed to list more than 7 points from yet another meaningless Top 10 list. You’d much rather be back at that ******* laptop. (Yes? 10 points)

    KEY
  • 70 Points: You are truly beyond help! But wait! Help may still be at hand if you sign up IMMEDIATELY with BlogAddictsAnonymous!

  • 60 Points: There is some hope for you; you clearly have resolve. Show that resolve NOW. By signing up IMMEDIATELY with BlogAddictsAnonymous!

  • 50 Points: You have shedloads of resolve. So you shouldn’t have any problem at all signing up, should you?

  • 40 Points or less: You’ve clearly already found the solution (why are you still here reading this?) and BlogAddictsAnonymous needs to hear from you NOW! (reasonable rates offered for mentoring initial cohort of BlogAddictsAnonymous patients. Could be a very long, hard slog)

HOW DID YOU DO?
Whatever your score, BlogAddictsAnonymous would love to hear from you! Whether as a potential patient OR mentor! Let us know what YOU think. BlogAddictsAnonymous's mission statement is "to help Blog addicts throughout the blogosphere". This means we will be opening franchises in other countries (starting with the USA, Canada, Australia and the UK). So, if you think you can help/need help (for yourself or others like Nora above), let us know in the comments box below and we guarantee a prompt reply (anonymity guaranteed if preferred).


CONTACT US NOW IN THE COMMENTS BOX BELOW FOR FREE NO OBLIGATION QUOTATION & SPECIAL TWO-FOR-ONE LIMITED OFFER!

What did you do before the invention of computers, the internet, Google? Can’t remember? Paying heed to a recent report claiming that heavy users of social networking sites risk untold damage to their attention sp ... lost your train of thought AGAIN ?…, BlogAddictsAnonymous is here to help YOU by compressing its message into a final, single strapline. Those with the will are welcome to plough on and come up with other reasons to join us but all you need to know is this:

JOIN US NOW!! BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE AND YOU’RE A SLAPDASH MISHMASH VERGING ON A CAR CRASH!

MORE ABOUT THE COMPANY/ DISCLAIMER!
BlogAddictsAnonymous.com is the registered name of BlogAddictsAnonymous, a non-profit organization based in the Cayman Islands (Tel. No. + 00 12345678) managed by Munoz MoneyMaking Machine Inc. (hereafter referred to as 3M). All fees payable should be transmitted direct to the Cayman Islands either via our Swiss bank account or in used euro notes where they will be securely deposited in another offshore tax haven of 3 M’s choice.













31 comments:

Nora Johnson said...

Karyn: Work got in the way unfortunately but here it is at long last!! Any comments?!

xLOL Nora:)

Nora Johnson said...

Moonspinner: So pleased to read you haven't run off with the puppy & I wouldn't see you again!

LOL LOLA:)
~PS It must be easier getting messages over enemy lines into occupied territory... !!

ModernMom said...

Oh Dear. I think I could join this club. So many other things I should be doing..but here I sit reading and writing blogs!

Heavenly Housewife said...

LOL, yes, I can totally relate to the one about the hit counter being 50 because of refreshing the page so much, not because I actually have 50 followers! Actually, its probably better I dont know how many followers I have, because I can see myself getting obsessed with facts like that... still, I do wonder!
p.s. No neglecting the darling Lola. Its not easy being a glamour queen you know, a good PA is absolutely essential.

Karyn - (French Charming) said...

Oh Nora, you amaze me!

Surprisingly I'm better off than I thought I was (or am I in denial?) They say the first step to recovery is acceptance of your addiction. Regardless, I do think that I would benefit by being a member of BlogAddictsAnonymous, or at the very least be of help here in the U.S. to those hopelessly addicted.

Oh heck, who am I kidding? I'm addicted! I've even contemplated being cloned so one of me could just blog, peruse the web and craft! Where's the registration form?

pinklea said...

Yeah, I'm in, too. It's driving me CRAZY that I've been so busy lately that I haven't have time to read all my favourite blogs or write my own as diligently as I would want. (Of course, the housework and other stuff I also haven't been doing are minor compared to blogging.)

Nora Johnson said...

ModernMOm: Registration form is already in the blogomail to you! As an esteemed blogopal, you'll also receive a special, discounted rate IF you go on to set up a chapter of BlogAddictsAnonymous in Eastern Canada! (A much improved version of the Madoff ponzi pyramid scheme!)
Please let us know how you progress. As a valued customer, you are IMPORTANT to us!
x LOL LOLA:)
pp MunozMoneymakingMachine Inc.

Nora Johnson said...

HH: Registration form's already in the blogomail to you too! As an esteemed blogopal, you too will be receiving a special, discounted rate IF you go on to set up a chapter of BlogAddictsAnonymous in the UK! (A much improved version of the Madoff ponzi pyramid scheme!)
Please let us know how you progress. As a valued customer, you are really IMPORTANT to us!

x LOL LOLA:)
pp MunozMoneymakingMachine Inc

PS Totally agree with you about neglect! Glamour queens need CONSTANT attention! btw do you happen to know of any good PAs your way? This one here needs replacing - urgently!

Nora Johnson said...

Karyn: Registration form's already in the blogomail to you too! As an esteemed blogopal, you'll also receive a special, discounted rate IF you go on to set up and mentor a chapter of BlogAddictsAnonymous in California! (A much improved version of the Madoff ponzi pyramid scheme!)
Please let us know how you progress. Your custom is very IMPORTANT to us!

x LOL LOLA:)
pp MunozMoneymakingMachine Inc.
btw as soon as you get the cloning thing sorted out, please let me know so I can get myself cloned too - You can't have too many glamour queens AND I'd make myself the PERFECT PA!

Nora Johnson said...

Pinklea: The registration form's already in the blogomail to you as well! As an esteemed blogopal, you'll also be receiving a special, discounted rate if you can go on and found and mentor a chapter of BlogAddictsAnonymous in Vancouver (a much improved version of the Madoff ponzi pyramid scheme!)
Please write and tell us how you progress - as a valued blogopal, your custom is important to us here at BlogAddictsAnonymous!

LOL LOLA:)
pp MunozMoneymakingMachine Inc.

PS Any good PAs over there in Vancouver? Need a replacement here URGENTLY!

Moonspinner said...

Well BAA, its like this ..... Okay I'm addicted but I'm not on Twitter and don't know what a hit counter is - does that help at all - and have also had forced intervention on blogging so I think that should count for something..... hmmmm excuses excuses!
Lola - enemy lines still up, am hoping for a ambush anytime now.

Nora Johnson said...

Moonspinner: We are pleased to inform you that you have passed all the BAA tests and so we are happy to announce you can progress to our special BAA Franchise & Mentoring Scheme in Australia for which we offer unbeatable rates of return! Registration's in the blogomail and we all look forward to reading about all your future successes there! And remember, as a valued client, YOU are important to us cos YOUR success is also OUR success!!

xLOL LOLA:)
pp MMA

PS Lips totally zipped here at Johnson HQ - don't want to see you in jail!! Difficult enough to get communications out from enemy lines already!!

ModernMom said...

Hey Nora
No one else has told me they have had trouble accessing my page. I have however lost one follower :( Made me a little sad...not good for an addict to lose a bloggy friend.
Hope it resolves itself. I don't want to lose you too!

Jessica Cangiano said...

Nora dear you humour has left me in stitches! :D

Fabulous post, which I'm sure will strike a familiar cord with many people. I chuckled, smiled, and at times nodded, thoroughly. I'm not a web addict myself - love it as I do - but we all have days/weeks/months when it seems like we live amongst a sea of sites and blogs!

Thank you for the terrific read! I'm massively busy (and just a wee bit stressed!) today and really appreciated the comedic break.


Hus & happy wishes,
♥ Jessica

Nora Johnson said...

ModernMom: Sorry to hear about the loss of a follower. No, don't worry about losing me (despite big difficulties in accessing yr page!) - I love followers as much as you do!
Really strange, nevertheless, that my link to yr site doesn't work... Gremlins afoot somewhere maybe?!

Have great day!

x Nora & Lola:)

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Jessica: Congratulations! - as a self-confessed NON-blogaddict, you have passed all the BBA tests with flying colours! Normally we would now offer you the opportunity to become a Mentor and set up a chapter of BBA in your community but since you are so busy (and stressed!), we'll simply add your name to our special Roll of Honour of BBA 'graduates'!
Great to hear from you again!

Take care and have a terrific weekend,

xLOL LOLA & Nora:)

Henrietta Bird said...

Where do I sign?!

Haven't been able to blog for nearly 2 weeks. Equally have neglected family, friends and small animals. Naturally none of them matter. Feel awful about neglecting blogworld though.

Is there a ten step plan and will it involve fine wine and cake?

If so - I'm in!

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Henrietta:
Your registration's already in the blogomail as I write! And as an esteemed blogopal, you'll also be eligible for a special, discounted rate if, when you graduate as a BAA alumna, you progress to set up a chapter of BAA in the UK as part of our Franchise & Mentoring Scheme. Please be assured this is a much improved model of the Madoff ponzi pyramid scheme for which we guarantee unbeatable rates of return!

The first nine steps of our Specially Devised BAA Ten Step Plan - undertaken at each weekly session - involve the consumption of a considerable number of fine wines & cake! The remaining step is often, alas, a stumbling one... into a waiting taxi. However, we do guarantee that all patients return home in (more or less) the same condition in which they arrive!

Thank you so much for showing interest in our programme and please let us know how you progress through it! Remember YOUR success is OUR success!

LOL LOLA:)
pp MunozMoneymakingMachine Inc.

Heavenly Housewife said...

To my favorite internet duo:
First of all, Lola has a new fan, my own PA, otherwise known as Hubby. He thinks Lola is just devine. Second just wanted to blow you guys some churro flavoured kisses from Barcelona land. What a lovely place it is, so beautiful and warm. I envy you guys getting this great sunshine all the time!
Love, HH

Nora Johnson said...

Hi HH & PA Hubby!
So pleased I have a new fan! What terrific GOOD taste your PA has! And I bet he's a far superior PA to the one I have to put up with here! (btw has he seen my pic in the sidebar? The one of me smiling for the camera for all my fans worldwide?)

So pleased you're enjoying your vacation too - despite the earlier churro churratastrophe that almost caused me to choke on my breakfast Bonio!

Hope, HH, you are nonetheless attending over there your weekly session of the BAA Ten Step Plan!
Remember as a graduate of BAA, you'll be able to go on and set up your very own chapter in the UK (maybe with your PA's assistance?)

Enjoy the rest of the trip!

xLOL LOLA:)
pp MunozMoneymaking Machine Inc

PS Have never tasted churros here (stick with Bonios). But then haven't done a number of Spanish things - like drink brandy at 10am!

Karyn - (French Charming) said...

Hi Nora,

Thanks for the visit and I wanted to pop over and say hello to you and Lola as well. Hope you are having a wonderful weekend!

I haven't been able to do much checking in on everyone, this old computer is so slow and takes forever, but things seem to be picking up a bit, this message only took me an hour...sigh!

Hugs,
Karyn

Nora Johnson said...

Hi Karyn!

Many thanks for the visit. Hope you're having a great w/end too. That's some vintage computer you've got! Should be worth a fortune in the auction rooms...!

LOL NOLA:) (Rebranded by
Moonspinner!)

PS How's the BAA Ten Step Plan coming along?

The Vintage Kitten said...

Oh Dear I better sign up now!!! I scored 60........ I dont think there is anything they can do for me, Im addicted LOL! X

Nora Johnson said...

The Vintage Kitten: The registration form's already in the blogomail to you as well! And as an esteemed blogopal, you'll also be eligible to graduate to our special BAA Franchise & Mentoring Scheme in your local community for which we offer unbeatable rates of return (a much improved version of the Madoff ponzi pyramid scheme)!

Please do write and tell us how you progress with our special BAA Ten Step Plan - as a valued blogopal, your custom is important to us here at BlogAddictsAnonymous!
Remember YOUR success is OUR success!

xLOL LOLA:)

pp MunozMoneyMakingmachine Inc

Karyn - (French Charming) said...

Oh my...I never cease to amaze myself, I should have but on my list that I have a severe case of foot in mouth syndrome. Sorry about renaming your blog, I'll correct it pronto!

ModernMom said...

Me again!
Hope you don't mind awards, I just posted one for you over at my blog!

Moonspinner said...

Oh shoot, did I rebrand you, sorry! Hey I'm all agog about your comment - do tell!!! ... Watch out here comes there screwdriver!

Heavenly Housewife said...

Hubby wouldn't be able to join Blogger Addicts Anonymous because he never gets a chance to get onto the computer anymore! Worst of all, this is his computer! These days he only gets to use it when I'm asleep or when he is at work. I always say, "just 10 more minutes" and that could turn into hours! I guess this proves how much the BAA services are needed here!
The MunozMoneymakingMachine Inc has the potential to make a fortune here!

Nora Johnson said...

Moonspinner: Welcome back into the land of the living - great to see you firing again, as it were, on all four cylinders!

See you again soon!

xLOL Nora & LOLA:)

PS If you can spare one of those cylinders, be sure to send it this way - tagging & award work piling up here at Johnson HQ too!

Nora Johnson said...

HH: Just as soon as you graduate from the BAA Ten Step Plan (hope you're still attending weekly seesions!), you'll be able to set up a special BAA Franchise & Mentoring Scheme in the UK for which we offer unbeatable rates of return! With Hubby as PA, you'll be an unbeatable duo!

MunozMoneymakingMachine Inc's F & M* registration forms are already in the blogomail to you!

xLOL LOLA:)
pp 3M Inc.

*Fortunately didn't mistype "F & M" (otherwise slightly pornographic!)

Heavenly Housewife said...

I replied to your comment on french charming's website :) I see you are flinging left over churros at me now lol. Scandalous!