SIMON COWELL'S 'X FACTOR' POLITICS, ANYONE?

My dear readers, another wonderful week is starting here in Andalucia although it rarely stops raining which translates into flooded roads and overflowing gutters! But at least that’s preferable to all that dreadful snow and ice my dear readers in the UK and the rest of Northern Europe have had to contend with these past few weeks not to mention floods and mudslides in Brazil. How is the weather behaving in North America, Australia and New Zealand?

Next I would like to thank all my dear readers and also new followers who visited or commented recently. They all write such wonderful blogs which everyone should visit! I Do visit all their great sites now! I’m thinking especially of From Donuts to Delirium , French Fancy, Rose Tea Cottage , Little Bear Studio ,Dustjacket Attic ,Information is Everything ,La Boheme ,Shopping in Suffolk ,Under Lock & Key ,The Vintage Kitten , Work of the Poet, The Adventures of Gingeyginge ,Sunbonnet Cottage . But there are sooo many more too - too many to list unfortunately!

Now, as you all know I’m hopeless with computers but Alfie, my puppy-nephew (left), is a computer geek who spends hours on end in chatrooms with his Harley Davidson pals all over the world (so long, in fact, his Mom, Sadie, is still convinced he’s downloading porn) and he’s again managed to post for me Nora’s latest article in her Breaking Views column in EURO WEEKLY NEWS about Simon Cowell’s idea for a new reality TV show, a "Political X Factor". If this happens in the UK, the odds are it will also happen in North America, Australia and elsewhere too! What are your thoughts on this kind of new Simon Cowell-type reality show in your country? Do let me know if you’d rather Simon remained in Madame Tussauds (below)!
‘EXIT FACTOR’, ANYONE?
Simon Cowell’s proposed new TV show, a "Political X Factor", as recently described on Newsnight - in which hot, political topics are voted on by members of the public in instant referendums - is the best idea I’ve heard so far this decade!


But will turning Britain into a huge reality game show really be all that different from er, reality? We already have elections to decide who’ll be starring in that great, ongoing soap opera, Westminster, and our evil, money grubbing bankers and peers are straight out of some dreadful Edwardian melodrama. And while the police think they are playacting in a Dirty Harry movie, are the media - in all their manifestations - so very unlike pantomime dames? (Oh no, they’re not!). What Simon’s giving us here is the chance to wallow in pretend referendums, in make-believe. So not much change then...


But why stop there, Simon? How about the ‘eXit Factor’? Imagine the tearjerker you could squeeze out of that. The final journey to the final room on the trolley. The relatives wailing like banshees. The artificial flowers by the window as sunlight pours in.... epitomising a brighter, better world beyond. A ‘Simon Cowell’ kind of world.

But let’s face it: much as we might dislike the idea of government by ’phone poll, it's only one step removed from government by Ipsos-Mori/ YouGov poll or tabloid headline we currently have. Might even help engage young people in British politics too, taking into account the fact that more 18-25 year olds vote for Big Brother than the General Election and watch Dr Who than Newsnight. And at least the Jedwards and Joes are easier on the eye than the Mandelsons and Millibands we currently have to put up with - until the General Election, that is...

How this all brings back such wonderful memories of a cataclysmic Colin Baker-era episode of Dr Who called ‘Vengeance’ where the leader of a planet was at the whim of public opinion to the point where his life was totally at its mercy! Oh, Gordon Brown, those truly were the Good Old Days!

But, back to reality. Would anything actually get done using Simon’s ’phone poll method? Given how the X Factor managed to spin itself out for months at a time making the simplest of decisions, I'd hazard a guess we'd have to wait, at the earliest, until after the break a year next Saturday before knowing whether capital punishment was coming back. So, Gordon, looks as if your life’s safe, if not your job ...
　
Remember you can catch each article every Thursday online! Nora would really love to know what you think about it (and later articles too) but, better still, email dear Mrs Ed at mrsed@euroweeklynews.com. And my apologies that, because of Nora’s work commitments, I’m not able to get out and visit all your great sites as often as I used to ’cos, as you know, it’s Nora who types up all these deeply profound thoughts of mine!


Well, that’s all for now, dear readers, but before you go do help yourselves to a glass of champagne:

Mwah!
XoXo LOL LOLA:)

A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

My dear readers, a very Happy New Year to you! It’s been a wonderful year knowing you and my single biggest regret is that I’m not able because of Nora’s work commitments to get out and visit all your great sites as often as I used to ’cos, as you know, it’s Nora who types up all my deeply profound thoughts!

Now, as you know I’m hopeless with computers but Alfie, my nephew, is a computer nerd who spends hours and hours in chatrooms with his Harley Davidson pals (so long, in fact, his Mom, Sadie, was convinced he must be downloading pornography!) and he managed to post for me below Nora’s latest article in her Breaking Views column in EURO WEEKLY NEWS :

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS? NO WAY!
　
How long did your last New Year’s resolutions last? Three months? A month? A week? Well, all right then, just a few days, like mine. (Those three terrible, alcohol-free days now just a hazy blur.)

Chances are, though, they’ll be even briefer this year if the elf ‘n’ safety police have their way. Remember that Wii Fit Balance Board you set your heart on as just the ticket to help you melt away that extra mince pie or second helping of Christmas pudding and bring out your inner siren? Well, before you get too excited, have a look at the safety instructions. Doubtlessly you will be advised that a gadget like this is dangerous, can cause serious injury if used inappropriately and may contain nuts. I made the last bit up but you get the point.

Children’s toys, too, have their own safety hazards. After all, that pedal car little Tiger desperately wanted will now display a very prominent sign warning him to avoid all fire hydrants and trees when testing his steering skills through ever tighter bends reversing down the drive. And will stock not only a spare wheel in the boot but a spare golf club too.

Health and Safety legislation - as part of the wider "Nanny State" culture - is likely to feature strongly in the coming general election campaign. David Cameron already shot the opening salvo in a recent speech accusing Labour of allowing a blanket of fear to spread across the country.
.
"Something has gone seriously wrong with the spirit of Health and Safety in the past decade," he declared. "When children are made to wear goggles by their head teacher to play conkers. When trainee hairdressers are not allowed scissors in the classroom. When office workers are banned from moving a chair without supervision. When staff at a railway station don’t help a young mum carry her baby buggy because they are not insured. When village fêtes are cancelled because residents can’t face jumping through all the bureaucratic hoops."

But that’s not all, David. Army bagpipers have been ordered to wear earplugs to stop them going deaf, Torbay council have warned that the town's palm tree leaves could cause "injury to eyes/ faces if improperly placed" - not to mention the restrictions on wind chimes in crematoria, sticking plasters in schools and flowers in hospitals. And, yes, I could go on and on - if it weren’t for the very real risk of developing RSI...

Oh, and my New Year’s resolution? Well, that’s really simple. There won’t be one. Because that’s something I know I can keep ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember you can catch each article every Thursday online! We'd love to know what you think about it but, better still, email dear Mrs Ed at mrsed@euroweeklynews.com

Well, that’s all for now , dear readers, but before you go do help yourselves to a bite from this gorgeous cupcake:

Grrh! Grrh! Aah! Aah!

Grrh! Grrh! Useless PA!

Mwah!
XoXo LOL LOLA:)

YOUR LOLA LIFELINE!

THE COLUMN THAT GIVES YOU, DEAR READERS, LOLA POWER!


Well, my dear readers, I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you all since my last post! The reason is that Nora, my PA, who types up all my profound thoughts has not only been very busy away on a long business trip but also just started a wonderful new column in EURO WEEKLY NEWS a terrific English language newspaper with the biggest free distribution in Spain which is read by over a quarter of a million people every week and which you can catch every Thursday online! Her column’s called: Breaking Views and the very first article’s published today on page 27! She’d really love to know what you think about it (and later articles too) but, better still, email dear Mrs Ed (see page 40) at mrsed@euroweeklynews.com.

Nora’s promised me, too, she’ll type up more of my Lola Lifeline columns and even give away more of my Lola Awards (below) in another entertaining Lola Awards post that was such great fun last time!

But, first, please write in to Mrs Ed NOW!!


Well back now, dear readers, to this month’s edition of YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! And my postbag’s full to bursting as usual with queries and dilemmas from so many of you! And, as usual, I’ve picked out the most urgent and pressing to share.


1. First up is another query from Alfie, my puppie-nephew (left).
Ooh, Nora! You are sooo useless! Most incompetent PA ever! Post the pic of Alfie below immediately...!









Now the good news is that Alfie had a wonderful time at his Harley Davidson rally in the US this Summer thanks to Pet Airways http://petairways.com/ as I advised in my last post. The bad news is that his girl-friend, Tara (below),and his chum, Antonio, are now an item! Alfie is naturally heart-broken and desperately wants to win her back. What can he give her for Christmas that would really impress? Also, another problem is that he’s not a good conversationalist (unless the topic’s HD which Tara can’t stand!). What’s Lola's advice?



Dear Alfie,
I have just the ticket! Why not buy Tara her very own Membership Card to VIP Pets (right),Andalucia’s just-opened, most luxurious pet resort with underfloor heating, TV and internet for its pet clients! It even has a Spa with individual swim sessions in its heated pool for weight loss or just plain fun! And if that’s not enough, Tara’s Membership Card will also entitle her to a 20% discount for all services: grooming, hydrotherapy, Spa and Boutique (with its exclusive Puppy Angels clothing and accessories range below left).

I understand, too, that Tara’s something of a chocoholic. But she won’t be impressed by any ordinary chocolate, however expensive like Chocopologie by Knipschild at $2,600 a pound! Oh, no! Now what would make a lasting impression on her would be a chocolate that’s completely different from anything else she’s ever tasted. In other words, one with a UNIQUE flavour! So what you should also give her, Alfie, is chocolate by Al Nassma of Dubai (below), the first chocolate made with camel’s milk! (Should now be available from Harrods!)

And as for entertaining Tara, you can’t go far wrong with cracking a few jokes! Here’s a few to start with:




Woman takes her duck to the vet. He says, "Sorry, it’s dead."
She says, "I don’t believe it."
Vet calls in a labrador dog. Dog sniffs the body of the duck, lowers his head dolefully, shakes it left to right and walks out. In comes a cat, licks the duck, lowers head, sadly nods. Leaves.
Vet says, "That’ll be £1,000."
She says, "That’s outrageous."
Vet responds, "It would have been £200 but you’ve got to add in the lab report and the cat scan."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Girl, to amorous boyfriend: "Go easy.I’m a virgo intacta."
Boy: "Oh, I can speak Latin too. I’m infra dig!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The manager of my local Snappy Snaps told me off today. Must have been something negative I’d said!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear readers, that’s my advice to Alfie. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for him?


2. Next up is a query from Gordon Romsey, London (left)

Dear Lola,
I desperately want to become a celebrity and earn shedloads of cash like Simon Cowell and Susan Boyle. But I don’t have any real talents. I can’t sing, act, cook or play football. In fact, I can’t do anything. Should I just give up?

Dear Gordon,
No, certainly not! Simply go on Reality TV (below) and utter foul-mouthed obscenities! You’ll become an overnight success!

Dear readers, that’s my advice to Gordon. Do you agree?



Well, mes chers lecteurs, sadly that’s all we have time for today! But remember, if you have any problems or queries you’d like me to respond to, don’t hesitate to let me know (or my PA, Nora) in the COMMENTS BOX BELOW! However weird, outlandish, insoluble it may seem, I’ll have an answer to that Desperate Dilemma of yours! So why hesitate any longer? Go on! Write to me, Agony Aunt to the Stars, in the comments box NOW!

And now, dear readers, I’ll wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and creep back to my basket for my beauty sleep (yawn), but do help yourselves to a piece of Laduree candy (below) on your way out! And thank you so much for all your kind comments while I was away and I'm already looking forward to seeing you all again soon! And do please close that door quietly... still recovering from all these riotous Christmas parties! Where’s that expresso I asked for? (snore)

P.S. Oh, and please don’t forget to email Dear Mrs Ed with your comments about Nora’s new column!!





Grrrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh!Grrh! Grrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh!!
No, you useless PA! I don’t mean that eye candy.




I mean THIS!

XOXO LOL LOLA:)

YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! ~ & AU REVOIR!

THE COLUMN THAT GIVES YOU,DEAR READERS,LOLA POWER!

Well, dear readers, it’s the first week of a new month and that can only mean one thing: YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! And my postbag is full to bursting with queries and dilemmas from so many of you! And, as usual, I’ve picked out the most urgent and pressing to share.

1. First up is another query from Alfie, my puppy-nephew (above). Alfie, as you know, is a keen Harley-Davidson fan and he desperately wants to travel to the US this summer to attend a big HD rally. But none of his close relatives, particularly his Mom, Sadie (right) are willing to take him. Alfie is heart-broken at the prospect of missing this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. What should he do?
Ooh, Nora! You are sooo useless! Most incompetent PA ever! Post the pic of Alfie
below immediately...!

Dear Alfie,
I have just the ticket, literally! This summer has just seen the launch of Pet Airways http://petairways.com the first pets-only airline which runs a weekly service to five US cities. Pets travel in a Beechcraft 1900 that can hold 50 animals, two pilots and one pet attendant. It promises to transport pets with "love, care, safety and comfort" in the main cabin (any owners must travel on regular flights - they aren't even allowed to fly in cargo!). Since the first flights will be for dogs and cats only, you’re in luck, Alfie! Check your pet passport’s up-to-date and off you go - on your OWN! And, on arrival, do check into a Paw Seasons Hotel and order their canine special, Leash and Potato soup! And let’s hope you don’t get dogged at every step by puparazzi! Bone voyage! *groan*

Dear readers, that’s my advice to Alfie. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions?

2. Next up is a query from the British Secret Service, MI6 (left), which is advertising for a health and safety adviser to "keep our staff safe as they go about their work protecting the country against these threats" & "promote a positive safety culture".
What sort of advice do you think MI6 should be given? Here's Lola's:

Dear MI6,
When visiting the headquarters of the evil Blofeld empire, always remember that white cats may cause an allergic reaction. Oh, and before your next mission, Mr Bond, please read every leaflet you can lay your, er, hands on about the dangers of venereal disease...

Dear readers, that’s my advice to MI6. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions?

3. And finally, an email from an 18-year-old New Zealand boy, Michael, who’s in a real dilemma concerning his mother, Jennifer.

When she recently ordered him to clear out the garage and sell unwanted items, he was so outraged, he tells me, he sought revenge by putting up for sale on TradeMe, an internet auction site, some eight-year old "glamour" photos he found of her in suspenders and thong under the title "Five Naked Photos of My Mum". When she found out, she called him a "cheeky little git". But she became truly angry, however, when the site took the photos down because "we don’t really want to be the place where people sell pictures of their mothers in their underwear". Michael says she’s now INSISTING he put them (and some others too) back up or else - ’cos in her words: "They are artistic. There’s nothing dodgy about them. I want 50% of the sale, but, more than that, I miss the NICE comments." What should Michael do to appease his mother?

Dear Michael,
My advice is to encourage your mother to start blogging where she’ll get lots of "nice comments" from nice, new blogpals - provided, that is, she doesn’t post any of those D-R-E-A-D-F-U-L photos you sent me... U-G-H!! U-G-H!! U-G-H!!

Dear readers, that’s my advice to Michael. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions?

Well, sadly that’s all we have time for now, dear readers! But remember, YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! - your lifeline to a saner, more harmonious, beauteous world!

And now I’m going to creep back to my basket for my beauty sleep (yawn), but do help yourselves, my dear readers, to a piece of Laduree candy (below) on your way out! And many thanks for your comments, visits and follower links this week! Oh, and by the way, I shall be MIA for the immediate future - don’t know when I’ll be back unlike Arnie (right) - ’cos Nora’s off on an extended business trip and, as you know, she’s the one who types up all my deeply profound thoughts! But it’s been a great ride...thanks to YOU! You’ve been such a lovely audience and I’ll miss you all terribly!

Grrrh! Grrrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh!
Grrh! Grrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh!!

No, you useless PA! I don’t mean that eye candy. I mean THIS!!

xxLOL LOLA:)　

EVER BEEN SNAPPED WITH YOUR EYES SHUT LIKE HM QUEEN ELIZABETH OR UPSTAGED BY A DOG LIKE BOWIE?

Queen Elizabeth II, 'Lightness Of Being', 2004
Credit: Chris Levine

A collection of photographs - called "I Want it All" -
is currently on view at the Little Black Gallery
in London. The exhibition features film stars, rock
legends, chefs and queens and runs
from the 1st of September to the 10th of October.
Here, my dear readers, is a selection especially
for you!

James Dean and Elizabeth Taylor, 1955, on the
set of Giant, photographed by Richard Miller, a
freelance photographer employed by Globe Photos
to cover the entertainment industry. His first
on-location assignment was on the set of Giant.
Credit: Richard Miller

Marco Pierre White, 1989
Credit: Bob Carlos Clarke

Jean Shrimpton and Terence Stamp,1963
Credit: Terry O'Neill

Michael Jackson,1998
Credit: Alan Davidson

Twiggy,1966
Credit: Barry Lategan

James Dean again on the set of Giant,1955
Credit: Richard Miller

Bob Carlos Clarke took this shot of Mick Jagger
in 1971 as a student photographer; it was at the
famous Stones concert at The Round House. Bob's
camera was confiscated by security and the film
removed however a roll slipped through the net
and contained this image.
Credit: Bob Carlos Clarke

The Rolling Stones, 1969. These photographs
were taken during Rolling Stones rehearsals at
Apple Studios before their infamous Hyde Park
concert in 1969. It was just after Brian Jones had
died and Mick Taylor had joined. It was Willie
Christie's first professional job (a commission for
Melody Maker), and he remembers how the
Rolling Stones didn't want him to be there, and
wouldn't allow him to use flash. Mick Taylor kept
turning his back for the pictures. Only three
pictures were ever published in Melody Maker
Credit: Willie Christie

David Bowie & THAT DOG!1975
Credit: Terry O'Neill

WELL, DEAR READERS, WHICH PICS DID

YOU LIKE BEST AND WHICH THE LEAST?

And, dear readers, do help yourselves to

a piece of this cake on your way out too!

Grrrh! Grrrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh!
Grrh! Grrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh!!

PAW NOTE: See you tomorrow for this month’s

YOUR LOLA LIFELINE!!

xxLOL LOLA:)

WOULD YOU BE SNAPPED CRYING OR IN BED (WITH ANOTHER MAN!)?

As you know, dear readers, I’m Agony Aunt
to the Stars in Your Lola Lifeline column! (btw
The September one’s appearing shortly!) Lorenzo
Agius is something similar! Well, not an Agony Aunt
exactly! But Photographer to the Stars! Apparently,
they feel so comfortable and relaxed with him that they
allow him to snap them in all kinds of, well, unusual
scenarios. Such as: Crying. Blindfolded. Eating
chips. In bed (two male stars!) Mouse-watching...

Scenarios that I wouldn’t let myself be snapped in,
would you?! Well, maybe eating chips but crying?
Blindfolded? In bed? (But hang on, which two
male stars are we talking about here?!!)

From 14 September to 14 October 2009, Lorenzo’s
images will be on show at the Alon Zakaim
Fine Art Gallery, Mayfair, London so do get
along there if you can. But here’s a selection of
them especially for you, my dear readers:

Jude Law, Ewan McGregor

Eddie Izzard

Angelina Jolie

Madonna

Jack Nicholson

Hugh Jackman

Liam Gallagher, Patsy Kensit

Ewan again

Keira & those chips!


WELL, DEAR READERS, WHICH SITUATIONS
WOULD YOU NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE
SNAPPED IN? WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE LINE?

OH, AND DO HELP YOURSELF TO SOME OF
THIS CANDY ON YOUR WAY OUT!!

Grrrh! Grrrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh!
Grrh! Grrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh!!

No, I mean THIS candy!!


xxLOL LOLA:)