SIMON COWELL'S 'X FACTOR' POLITICS, ANYONE?

My dear readers, another wonderful week is starting here in Andalucia although it rarely stops raining which translates into flooded roads and overflowing gutters! But at least that’s preferable to all that dreadful snow and ice my dear readers in the UK and the rest of Northern Europe have had to contend with these past few weeks not to mention floods and mudslides in Brazil. How is the weather behaving in North America, Australia and New Zealand?

Next I would like to thank all my dear readers and also new followers who visited or commented recently. They all write such wonderful blogs which everyone should visit! I Do visit all their great sites now! I’m thinking especially of From Donuts to Delirium , French Fancy, Rose Tea Cottage , Little Bear Studio ,Dustjacket Attic ,Information is Everything ,La Boheme ,Shopping in Suffolk ,Under Lock & Key ,The Vintage Kitten , Work of the Poet, The Adventures of Gingeyginge ,Sunbonnet Cottage . But there are sooo many more too - too many to list unfortunately!

Now, as you all know I’m hopeless with computers but Alfie, my puppy-nephew (left), is a computer geek who spends hours on end in chatrooms with his Harley Davidson pals all over the world (so long, in fact, his Mom, Sadie, is still convinced he’s downloading porn) and he’s again managed to post for me Nora’s latest article in her Breaking Views column in EURO WEEKLY NEWS about Simon Cowell’s idea for a new reality TV show, a "Political X Factor". If this happens in the UK, the odds are it will also happen in North America, Australia and elsewhere too! What are your thoughts on this kind of new Simon Cowell-type reality show in your country? Do let me know if you’d rather Simon remained in Madame Tussauds (below)!
‘EXIT FACTOR’, ANYONE?
Simon Cowell’s proposed new TV show, a "Political X Factor", as recently described on Newsnight - in which hot, political topics are voted on by members of the public in instant referendums - is the best idea I’ve heard so far this decade!


But will turning Britain into a huge reality game show really be all that different from er, reality? We already have elections to decide who’ll be starring in that great, ongoing soap opera, Westminster, and our evil, money grubbing bankers and peers are straight out of some dreadful Edwardian melodrama. And while the police think they are playacting in a Dirty Harry movie, are the media - in all their manifestations - so very unlike pantomime dames? (Oh no, they’re not!). What Simon’s giving us here is the chance to wallow in pretend referendums, in make-believe. So not much change then...


But why stop there, Simon? How about the ‘eXit Factor’? Imagine the tearjerker you could squeeze out of that. The final journey to the final room on the trolley. The relatives wailing like banshees. The artificial flowers by the window as sunlight pours in.... epitomising a brighter, better world beyond. A ‘Simon Cowell’ kind of world.

But let’s face it: much as we might dislike the idea of government by ’phone poll, it's only one step removed from government by Ipsos-Mori/ YouGov poll or tabloid headline we currently have. Might even help engage young people in British politics too, taking into account the fact that more 18-25 year olds vote for Big Brother than the General Election and watch Dr Who than Newsnight. And at least the Jedwards and Joes are easier on the eye than the Mandelsons and Millibands we currently have to put up with - until the General Election, that is...

How this all brings back such wonderful memories of a cataclysmic Colin Baker-era episode of Dr Who called ‘Vengeance’ where the leader of a planet was at the whim of public opinion to the point where his life was totally at its mercy! Oh, Gordon Brown, those truly were the Good Old Days!

But, back to reality. Would anything actually get done using Simon’s ’phone poll method? Given how the X Factor managed to spin itself out for months at a time making the simplest of decisions, I'd hazard a guess we'd have to wait, at the earliest, until after the break a year next Saturday before knowing whether capital punishment was coming back. So, Gordon, looks as if your life’s safe, if not your job ...
　
Remember you can catch each article every Thursday online! Nora would really love to know what you think about it (and later articles too) but, better still, email dear Mrs Ed at mrsed@euroweeklynews.com. And my apologies that, because of Nora’s work commitments, I’m not able to get out and visit all your great sites as often as I used to ’cos, as you know, it’s Nora who types up all these deeply profound thoughts of mine!


Well, that’s all for now, dear readers, but before you go do help yourselves to a glass of champagne:

Mwah!
XoXo LOL LOLA:)

LOLA'S BACK!! ~ YOUR LOLA LIFELINE!

You know, these should really be called The Lola Diaries ’cos what I’ve got to say is sooo much more intelligent and interéssant than the drivel and waffle that woman with the wild, fair hair writes. The reason, mes chers lecteurs, is très simple! Here in the southern Mediterranean, ALL canines are permitted INSIDE restaurants where we don’t just collapse on the floor, endlessly lick our privés parts and drool listlessly but, au contraire, we pick up all kinds of information you humans shamelessly hurl about en particulier when you’ve had a bouteille too many of Puligny Montrachet or (my favourite!) Château Pétrus.



For instance, one of my chums (pic above) close to the PM, Señor Zapatero, in Madrid regularly picks up in restaurants and in Señor Zapatero’s own Palacio de la Moncloa not just snippets of the latest gossip about other leaders (Ooh, M Sarkozy!! Ooh, S. Belusconi!! If you only knew!!) but top, top secrets as well. (But as a lady, I couldn’t possibly comment… In fact, I’m blushing now but you would never know - all that fabulous fur you understand.) Moreover, this Saturday, Norawoman is taking me to Jean-Christophe Novelli’s new restaurant in Marbella (Señora Noriega is going out with Juan Antonio) so, ’cos it’s a top French restaurant, one should expect a better breed of canine there and, who knows, I just might pick up yet another e-x-c-l-u-s-i-v-e for you!


But enough of that and back to The Lola Diaries which I know you’re just itching to hear more about! Now, since my fanmail is getting so huge, I’ve been doing a bit of thinking and have come to the conclusion I should put myself about a bit (you know, like all those wanabee singers and actors and failing prime ministers). And go on YouTube! But then I overheard Norawoman (as you know, I made her my PA though she’s pretty hopeless), muttering (she thinks when I’m lying in my basket with my eyes closed, everything else is closed down too) how naff that would be ’cos only needy people like Susan Boyle and Gordon Brown go after PR on YouTube.

So, until my fame goes truly GLOBAL and the Delectably Divine Duo (Oprah and Obama) come knocking on my basket (meanwhile I’ll steer clear of Jonathan Ross - I don’t want any embarrassing messages about MY love life left on the answer machine - and the British Government Minister who recently took a peek at my website!), I’ve decided to do what I do best. Namely to give advice. To you, chers lecteurs. Totally free. Ever since I was a puppy in New Labour puppybaccalauréatacadémie, you understand, my advice was always being sought and so I feel it incumbent on myself - no, my duty! - to pass on these snippets of my wisdom.


One day last week, for instance, I had a long, serious chat with my puppy-nephew (above) about his future. “I’ve been giving the matter a lot of thought recently, and I’ve finally come to a landing. I want to do absolutely nothing useful with my life,” he admitted at last, removing his iPod with a yawn and rolling over on his side to face the sun. “But why don’t you take a more positive attitude?” I replied. “Why not become a small-time crook? A cowboy roof builder, a layabout on benefit scams, a bag snatcher, a mugger of old people, drive a black Seat at 140kph on Spanish roads at the same time tailgating and overtaking on the inside lane, become a call centre robot, work for one of the Chinese Triads, maybe become a real hoodlum and apply for an intern post in one of the banks still left standing.” He chewed loudly on yet another Bonio as he thoughtfully considered my advice. “The bank idea sounds OK,” he answered, stifling another yawn, “although I’d rather steal from them. If I must work, I’d prefer to have a more lasting effect on the country, something that will go down in history. If I’m going to grow up to become a crook, I want to be a REAL crook!” “Well, in that case,” I replied after the briefest of pauses, “why don’t you become a Member of Parliament, the British Parliament?” And if he takes my sound advice, there’ll be no end of opportunities for all his accomplishments…


Pro tem, I’ve decided to call my advice column YOUR LOLA LIFELINE!. Pro tem, you understand, ‘cos, when my fame truly does go international, I may have to change it. After all, all my fans in the Middle East may think I’m offering help with my lifeline to those ghastly pirates off their coasts! So, if you have any problems or queries you’d like me to respond to (dealt with anonymously if preferred), don’t hesitate to let me know (or my PA, Nora) in the COMMENTS BOX BELOW!

However bizarre, outlandish or insoluble it may seem, I’ll have an answer to that dilemma of yours! So why hesitate any longer? Go on and write to me, Agony Aunt to the Blogosphere, in the comments box NOW!

And remember, YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! - your lifeline to a saner, more harmonious, beauteous world. Just like mine in fact!

LOL LOLA!

P.S. As you know, I'm a French breed and adore all things French! The lovely Karyn at French Charminghas a French giveaway (which would look sooo charmant on my coiffure commode!). Go visit her gorgeous site now!

JESUS & GORDON BROWN: YES, WE CAN!

Surprisingly, Jesús didn’t comment in the Spanish class this week about Lewis Hamilton’s recent win. In fact, he seemed a bit preoccupied.

At first, to get us to practise the conditional tense, he asked us what we would do with the "‘Gordo’ " as he put it. As this was the same day as the crucial (for Gordon Brown) Glenrothes by-election, I exchanged glances with the other Brits who fell about helplessly laughing. For a second, Jesús’s face registered, firstly, surprise then total bafflement at our unforgivable pig ignorance of such an essential part of Spanish life.

As we did our best to stifle the laughs, he gamely tried to educate us in Spanish culture as he went on to describe in detail precisely which ‘Gordo’ he had in mind. Namely, an event so important that many Spanish regard the day it takes place, December 22nd, as the real start of the Christmas festive season. El Gordo - ‘the fat one’ - the Spanish National Lottery jackpot.

The draw, he patiently explained, is shown on television in the morning while newspapers publish special editions solely with the list of winning numbers and photos of the winners spraying champagne on one another and around the ‘lucky’ place they purchased the ticket.

Finally, by way of bringing the class to an end, he said that if we wanted to get rich fast, we needed to start buying straightaway our participaciones, either from lottery vendors in street kiosks and shopping centres or from organisations ranging from bars to charities which buy numbers and redistribute them in smaller sums to clients and friends.

He’d already bought a large number, he added with a pained look on his face, since he was desperate to recoup some of the money he’d now unavoidably, categorically lost to a developer on his recent apartment purchase.

He looked so crestfallen we almost forgave him his earlier tirades against Lewis Hamilton. For we’d only just read in the local press reports that Spanish developers are so indebted they can’t drop prices any further without making a loss. "You can forget about prices falling 30%to 40% – I’ll give it to the bank before that," said Guillermo Chicote, president of the Association of Constructors and Developers of Spain, at a recent conference.

However, despite Chicote’s fighting talk, that’s probably what will happen. Dozens of developers, including Martinsa-Fadesa, one of Spain’s biggest, have already been forced into administration, causing mayhem for many British investors who have no property to show for their early-stage payments. And only goes to highlight the risk of buying off-plan in the current market: better to snap up something newly built, but already finished. Indeed, unless the government steps in and bails out the sector, large-scale repossessions of even new developments by the banks look likely too.

Well, let’s hope Jesús is equally lucky with El Gordo next month as Gordon was this.

Who needs Obama when there's El Gordo? Yes, we can!