INTERVIEWED BY OPRAH ~ OOPS, LOLAH!! (PART 2)

Lola: Well, you’ve had yet another siesta and here we are back for Part 2 of our interview! Now, where were we? Ah, yes! Talking about your highlights of 2009! Any others?

Me: Oh, yes, lots! You know how some people have roses named after them? Well, I’ve had a scent! Marc Jacobs has just named his latest scent, the follow-up to his last blockbuster "Daisy", after moi - "LOLA"! But where "Daisy" (inspired by his love of Daisy in The Great Gatsby) was in dear Marc’s own words "white and sweet and innocent", "Lola" is "warm, sexy — with reds and hot colours". Sooo spot on! Couldn’t have put it better myself! Ooh! The naughty man! Must have been spying on me in my boudoir to have found out so much about me! *wink* wink*

Lola: Any idea why he named it after you?

Me: That’s easy too! Marc said, " ‘Lola’ has always evoked that kind of seductive thing," referring to songs also named after me like Copacabana and Whatever Lola Wants (Lola Gets!)

Lola: And what about the smell?

Me: A little bit fruity, a lot floral, with a dash of vanilla and musk. Anyone who wears it, Marc says, will be a "sultry temptress"... like moi! Guaranteed!

Lola: Anything else?

Me: Ooh yes! I’m sooo thrilled! My psychological suspense thriller, in the sidebar over there (which my PA had the cheek to pass off as her own!) has sold lots of copies both in the UK and the U.S.A. - all the profits for CUDECA my favourite charity!

Lola: Any special likes or dislikes?

Me: Well, let me see. I love clothes, handbags, shoes, watches - I adore ALL FASHION! In fact, I’d love to show you a few pics now... Would you like to see them?

Lola: ‘Fraid not. Don’t have time now... you’ve got so many there! But why don’t you show me them another time, say next Monday? How about: A LITTLE OF WHAT LOLA LOVES (& LOLA GETS!) ... on Mondays? OK? Good. Now let’s move on to your dislikes...?

Me: Well, I know it’s supposed to be healthy but I detest green tea - always looks as if a couple of caterpillars have curled up and died in the cup!

Lola: Anything else?

Me: Pretentious, starchy, Michelin-style, white-gloved, silver service restaurants where waiters constantly hover over your table like pregnant mosquitoes! The amuse-bouches, the nibbles, the petits fours, the predesserts, the postdesserts, the just desserts. Ooh! It’s like fighting off canapés at a wedding reception!

Lola: You talked in the first part of our interview about that school you attended, Puppybaccalauréatacadémie. Can you tell us a bit more about it?

Me: Well, my dear blogpal, Jessica at CHRONICALLY VINTAGE summed it up sooo perfectly when she recently described it to me as the kind of educational institution where it’s perfectly alright to lunch solely on macaroons, bring a note excusing you from gym class because your Manolos gave you blisters over the weekend, and where Home-Economics was really more like a crash course on how to be a good sommelier! And, I’ll add, where Geography was all about the world’s hottest cities and best beaches, Chemistry about mixing up exquisite beauty lotions and potions and History exclusively about vintage fashion and trends! Dear Jessica, if you - and so many of my dear blogpals and readers too - had been there, we’d all have had a hell of a ball!

Lola: Do you believe in astrology?

Me: Oh, yes, I do the full-on chart casting whatsit. In fact, I adore astrology ’cos it only needs to be vague enough to cover all eventualities and gives you massive escape routes. You know, just blame everything not on your parents - but your planets! When I do something wrong (admittedly rarely!), what I say is "'Well, naturally, last night there was a penumbral lunar eclipse in conjunction with my Leo rising" or, if I’m being a bit less geeky, merely shrug my fabulous fur shoulders and say "I'm a Taurus - just can't say 'No’!''....

Lola: Some might say your LOLA LIFELINE COLUMN is a bit radical, excessive even. Are you trying to take on the UK Government Opposition’s job by becoming another GUIDO FAWKES or taking over from NIGHTJACK who’s just retired (well, forced to retire!)? And Lola! I mean, encouraging Alfie to become a CROOK...! How could you?

Me: Well, as for those two great bloggers, there’s simply no comparison! I’m sooo much more BEAUTIFUL! And, as for Alfie, don’t you see? That’s all part of the strategy! If I’d said, "No, Alfie, you mustn’t do this, you must do that", he’d have rebelled like any youngster his age. After all, he’s simply going through a phase! But now he’s had time to reflect, he’s changed his mind and has gone right off the idea of becoming a crook. And is putting his best paw forward with other plans. But more about those in my next Lifeline Column!

Lola: Fine, OK! Now tell me one thing we don’t know about you.

Me: I ADORE frogs! Did you know I’ve got a pet frog called Kermit who talks to me? Here’s his pic:
KERMIT!

Lola: Final question. Who‘s the hottest celebrity?

Me: Oh, you mean, after me? Well, Brad comes pretty close!

Lola: Well, thanks for the interview. That was really, well, illuminating! But before you go, I understand you’re to pass on this tag to 15 NEW BLOGGERS!

Me: Ooh, that’s sooo difficult! They’re all sooo wonderful. Just 15, you say? Well, here they are:

LITTLE BEAR STUDIO
AGLIO, OLIO & PEPERONCINO
SLICES OF BEAUTY
ETERNALLY DISTRACTED
AERIAL ARMADILLO
IVA MESSY
LET'S HAVE A COCKTAIL
CLARITY IN WONDERLAND
TINKERING L8
I'D RATHER BE SCRAPBOOKING
LENORENEVERMORE
DOWN & OUT CHIC
MIMI CHARMANTE
SMALL ACORNS
FRENCHBLUE
GYPSY FOX

And those were even more doggedly tough questions you asked! But all these deeply profound thoughts have made me sooo sleepy... where’s my basket? But help yourself to one or two cupcakes on your way out. And please shut the door otherwise that useless PA of mine will be sure to be in here again tampering with everything. Of course, you do know she can’t spell, don't you? If it wasn’t for my editing, these posts she types up for me would be full of really bad spelljng mistakes.

For instance, did you see that letter of complaint she just wrote to our local water company? No? Well, here it is:

"IM RITNG TOO CUMPLANE BOUT AL TEH FLOURIDE YOO PORE INTOO TEH WATR HEAR INN ANDELUCY. YOO SHUD KONSIDR TEH RHAMUPHUKASHUNS UV YIR AKSHUNS IF YOO DOO TAHT. IM VERIE ANGREE, NORA."

Me: And don't forget to take one of these cupcakes:
Cupcakes!

Grrrh! Grrrh! Grrh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Grrh! Grrh! Grrh!
Agh! Agh! Agh! Grrh! Grrh! Grrh! Agh...

SEE YOU MONDAY!!

P.S. OH, AND DO LET ME KNOW IF ANYONE HAS A PIC OF
A BICHON FIGHTING A DRAGON DRESSED IN GUCCI - FOR MY COAT OF ARMS!
xxxLOL LOLA:)

SOME OF LOLA'S FAVOURITE THINGS!

My dear readers, I was recently having a little chat over the viral fence (as you do!) with the delightful Melissa at SUNBONNET COTTAGE. We were talking about food for the brain and it occurred to me that you might like to hear my deeply profound thoughts about FOOD! In fact, ‘cos I want to share some of my FAVOURITE restaurants with you, you could call this post “brain food”!

And so just for you, dear readers, my latest culinary scoop!

LOLA’S (AND RESTAURANT MAGAZINE’S) FOUR TOP RESTAURANTS IN THE WORLD ARE ….

surprisingly Spanish!


EL BULLI: Gnocchi of polenta with coffee, saffron yuba and daisy buds

EL BULLI: Kumquat and mint cocktail with pumpkin oil emulsion

Now as you know, dear readers, Mediterranean cuisine is often described as the healthiest in the world (aah, all that fish, garlic, olive oil), and Spanish chefs among the most creative. But what you may find more surprising is that, according to RESTAURANT magazine’s latest poll, four of the world’s TEN best restaurants are owned by Spanish chefs!
EL BULLI

For the fourth consecutive year, the number one slot has gone to EL BULLI (above, plus some famous dishes, top) owned by Catalan chef, FERRAN ADRIA, who recently picked up his award at a gala organised by the leading British trade magazine at London’s Freemasons Hall.
MUGARITZ

The other three Spanish restaurants to make it into my (and Restaurant Magazine’s) top ten of the world’s best fifty establishments were MUGARITZ, owned by Basque chef Andoni Luis Aduriz (4th place, above), Catalan chef Joan Roca’s EL CELLER DE CAN ROCA (5th below),
EL CELLER

and ARZAK, owned by Juan Mari Arzak (8th below).
ARZAK

But my dear readers, did you know that Spain according to the magazine has more restaurants on the list than any other country - including France, my country of origin?! And that Adrià’s El Bulli, established in Girona and with three Michelin stars, was voted number one by a panel comprising 800 international chefs, food critics and culinary experts?! (P considers himself a bit of a food expert following the infamous Nora-bun-débacle - more below - but swears he didn’t receive his invite in time…)
HESTON BLUMENTHAL

Adrià is, of course, known around the world as the “alchemist of the kitchen,” experimenting with liquid nitrogen - like his British protégé, HESTON BLUMENTHAL (above), owner of 3 Michelin-starred (and 2nd place) THE FAT DUCK. (Oops! Wrong pic again, Nora!) Quick, back to Heston and The Fat Duck!
THE FAT DUCK, BRAY, BERKSHIRE

However, long before Adrià and Blumenthal rolled out their mass spectrometers, kitchen scientists had been busy working on quaint recipes such as the egg-free custard invented for his allergic wife by ALFRED BIRD. The huge success of his instant custard (below), not to mention the huge profits cooked up, sent the food industry into a floury flurry of freeze-drying and homogenising experimentation from which it’s basically never looked back!
BIRD'S CUSTARD!

And, as for Adrià’s gaff and The Fat Duck, have been to both a couple of times with Nora and P but wasn’t impressed. Snail porridge (below)? Can take it or leave it! But then, I prefer my Bonio biscuits and dog chews any day! But what do I know? Neither Nora or I possess P’s unrivalled, unquestionably exquisite culinary palate…
SNAIL PORRIDGE!

P.S. WARNING TO THOSE OF A NERVOUS DISPOSITION! First put yourself in the emergency brace position, next take a long, deep breath, then prepare yourself for the WORST, MOST BLOODCURDLING SIGHT EVER.. Nora’s Most Notorious, Culinary Pièce de Résistance to date (below):
LOOK AWAY NOW!

Well, my dear readers, I did warn you…!! (And In case you were wondering, they’re hot cross buns…)

LOL LOLA:)