YOUR LOLA LIFELINE - HALLOWE'EN SPECIAL!

YOUR VERY OWN LOLA LIFELINE – SPECIAL HALLOWE’EN EDITION!
THE COLUMN THAT GIVES YOU,DEAR READERS,LOLA POWER!
Dear readers, I am participating in Alphabe-Thursday where we’re celebrating HALLOWE’EN!
And my postbag is full to bursting with queries and dilemmas from so many of you! And, as usual, I’ve picked out the most urgent and pressing to share!

First up is another query from my puppy-nephew, Alfie (above).
Grrrhh! Grrrhh!

1. Dear Aunt Lola,

"My girlfriend, Tamara (below) wants me to attend a Hallowe’en party this weekend dressed as a zombie! Zombies, ghosts and all the stuff associated with Hallowe’en frighten the life out of me, Aunt Lola, but Tamara is very insistent. Should I be assertive with her or simply give in? What’s your advice, Aunt Lola?"
Dear Alfie,
Trying to be assertive with someone as assertive as Tamara will only end in tears! My advice is to say you’ve got an appointment at the groomer’s or you’ve pulled an Achilles tendon playing football (or whatever excuse you use these days!) and let her go on her own. One thing’s for sure: she won’t need a zombie costume!
Dear readers, that’s my advice for Alfie. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for him?

2. Next up are queries from two dear readers, ROGUE ARTISTS in the great USA and PONDSIDE in beautiful Canada who both write such wonderful blogs which everyone should visit! Do visit both their great sites NOW!
Firstly, the query from Lizzie @ Rogue Artists (pictured, and with her brother, Mulligan):

Dear Lola,
“Your answers are sheer genius! Now I have a question for you. My mom and dad had a birthday party for me on August 21 (you can see the video on mom's blog) and I got lots of great gifts. Here's my problem - my brother Mulligan thinks they are HIS TOYS and takes them away from me when I am playing. Mom says to share, but he just won't listen. Help!! Lizzie.”
And next the query from Pondside:
Dear Lola,
“Your advice is the best out there. My dog Rory barks at cats on TV. Is this normal? Does he want a cat-friend? Should I buy him one, and if so, should it be Siamese or Manx? Thanking you in advance, Pondside.”
Dear Lizzie @ Rogue Artists and Pondside,
Look, just threaten Mulligan and Rory I’ll send over Tamara (or her cat-friend, Rosebud, left) to sort them both out. Believe me, you won’t have any more problems from either of them! Mulligan will keep to his own toys and you won’t hear a squeak (let alone a bark) from Rory. However, should they still fail to be frightened into submission, just show them this. Guaranteed. CLICK HERE
Dear readers, that’s my advice to Rogue Artists and Pondside. Agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for them?

4. Finally, we have a query from Ms T Bag (below):
Dear Lola,
"I’ve been happily married for 33 years and yet my husband is still not perfect. Despite many years of nagging, he still forgets to wipe his feet when entering the house. Is this because he is in a rush to see me, or does he simply not listen?"
Dear Ms T Bag,
Ask him, and if he says, “What?”, you’ll know it’s the latter.
Dear readers, that’s my advice for Ms T Bag. Agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for her?
Well, dear readers, sadly that’s all we have time for today! But remember, if you have any problems or queries you’d like me to respond to - just like Rogue Artists and Pondside above - don’t hesitate to let me know (or my PA, Nora) in the COMMENTS BOX BELOW! However weird, outlandish, insoluble it may seem, I’ll have an answer to that Desperate Dilemma of yours! So why hesitate any longer? Go on! Write to me, Agony Aunt to the Stars, in the comments box NOW!

And remember, YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! - your lifeline to a saner, more harmonious world.
And now I’m going to creep back to my basket for my beauty sleep (yawn), but do help yourselves, my dear readers, to the Ladurée macarons on your way out!
Have a great Alphabe-Thursday! And check out other posts at Alphabe-Thursday posts @ Jenny Matlock!
XOXO LOLA:)

YOUR *L*OLA LIFELINE!

YOUR LOLA LIFELINE!
THE COLUMN THAT GIVES YOU,DEAR READERS,LOLA POWER!
Well, dear readers, welcome to the latest edition of Alphabe-Thursday where L stands for just one thing: YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! And my postbag’s full to bursting with queries and dilemmas from so many of you! And, as usual, I’ve picked out the most urgent and pressing
1. First up is another query from my puppy-nephew, Alfie (left).
Ooh, Nora! You are sooo useless!
Most incompetent PA ever! Post the
pic of Alfie below immediately...!

Dear Aunt Lola,
I like this girl I work with who’s called Tamara,(below) but have never managed to talk to her. She’s very attractive, and I haven't even said hello because I'm worried about embarrassing myself. I have worked with her for over a year now. What do you think would be the most appropriate thing to say, or should I just casually crash into her “by accident”? What should I do, Aunt Lola?

Dear Alfie,
"Crashing into her" would probably constitute some form of assault and not convey the full depth of your feelings in the most eloquent way. Much better would be to start in a low-key way: "May I borrow your stapler?", for example. Then move on to something along the lines of: "Do you have any of those terrific green paperclips? They're absolutely my favourite", which would give her the opportunity to open up the conversation. A couple of weeks of this work-related office banter (“Oh! I’ve run out of those Post-It notes again!”), then you can say: "Why don’t we go and do some photocopying together …?" without taking her entirely by surprise.
That should lead straight to a merger (left)!

Theoretically. Otherwise this could be the result (below right)…
Dear readers, that’s my advice for Alfie. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for him?

2. Next up is a query from Miss Filet O’Fish, Belfast
Dear Lola,
I have been bullied into taking my ghastly maiden aunt who’s an opera singer(left), on holiday to France this Christmas. Her behaviour is shocking: she is rude to hotel staff, complains bitterly about the food, speaks in a loud, shrill voice in museums etc and her personal habits are disgusting. She picks her nose, sniffs all the food put in front of her and gags when eating anything other than “good British fare” (ie fish and chips). What should I do?

Dear Miss Filet O’Fish,
Presumably you don't normally take your aunt on holiday, so it is quite feasible that when you go through all the endless airport security (left), you could simply forget she is travelling with you and go on without her. Your aunt will be clueless about where she’s headed, so the police will be unable to reunite her with you and will pack her off back home. Play the innocent about it all when you return, and the whole family will be laughing about it for years and years to come. Possibly.
Dear readers, that’s my advice for Miss Filet O’Fish. Agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for her?

3. Finally, we have a query from Ms Kitty Purr, London
Dear Lola,
Whenever my family doctor gives me a referral letter to give to a consultant, it always has the same introduction “This pleasant lady...”. Obviously this is some doctors’ code. What does it mean?

Dear Ms Purr,
Easy peasy!! It means you are polite and unassuming and so can be left hanging around in hospital corridors alongside trolley loads of sick and dying patients without causing a fuss, while “This confident lady...” (=demanding bitch, left), “difficult case”” (=hypochondriac), and “would benefit from your full attention” (=borderline lunatic, below) are given priority. (I take it you are, in fact, a woman - otherwise you might benefit from changing your doctor.)

Dear readers, that’s my advice for Ms Purr. Agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for her?
Well, dear readers, sadly that’s all we have time for today! But remember, if you have any problems or queries you’d like me to respond to (dealt with anonymously if preferred), don’t hesitate to let me know (or my P.A., Nora) in the COMMENTS BOX BELOW! However weird, outlandish, insoluble it may seem, I’ll definitely have an answer to that Desperate Dilemma of yours! So why hesitate any longer? Go on! Write to me, Agony Aunt to the Stars, in the comments box NOW!

And remember, YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! - your lifeline to a saner, more harmonious, beauteous world.

And now I’m going to creep back to my basket for my beauty sleep (yawn), but do help yourselves, my dear readers, to the champagne on your way out! Oh, btw, I shall be MIA for the next couple of weeks ‘cos Nora’s away and, as you know, she’s the one who transcribes all my deeply profound thoughts! But, like Arnie (above), I WILL be back very, very soon!! Promise!! In the meantime, Happy Holidays and a very Happy New Year to all my dear readers wherever you are in the world!

And do check out other Alphabe-Thursday posts @ Jenny Matlock’s!
XOXO LOLA:)

'V' IS FOR YOUR **V**ERY OWN LOLA LIFELINE!

THE COLUMN THAT GIVES YOU,DEAR READERS,LOLA POWER!

Dear readers, I am participating in Alphabe-Thursday where ‘V’ is for Your Very Own Lola Lifeline! And my postbag is full to bursting with queries and dilemmas from so many of you! And, as usual, I’ve picked out the most urgent and pressing to share!

First, another query from my puppy-nephew,Alfie (left).

Grrrhh! Grrrhh! Grrh! Grrh!



1. Dear Aunt Lola,
We´ve got real problems where we live. ´Cos it’s quite a peaceful area, the empty roads attract motorcades of learner drivers practising endless manoeuvres in gearbox wrecking and pavement vaulting. One of these days, they’re going to ram my beloved Harley Davidson! Any suggestions, Aunt Lola?

Dear Alfie,
The only way to get driving instructors to take their clients elsewhere is to have children playing out in the street in quiet residential areas. However, since kids today refuse to set foot outside when they could be slouched in front of a computer playing “hack and slash” Mortal Kombat or emailing suggestively provocative images of themselves to their bestest new internet friend, Rudi in Rumania, you’re going to have to put up with the screeching gear shifts - unless you can persuade a group of pals like your Mum and Tamara (above) to join you for five-a-side football in the street – a sort of Kiddies’ five-a-side World Cup. (There’s probably a grant available from UEFA to encourage this kind of thing, too.) P.S. Well, perhaps on reflection, not Tamara…

Dear readers, that’s my advice for Alfie. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for him?

2. Next up is a query from Mrs Gold-Ingot- Coutts, Chelsea, London (below)

Dear Lola,
I am agonising over the best end-of- term gift to buy for my daughter’s teacher. It must be super flashy and attention- grabbing, and large enough to dominate her desk and the playground as we wait before class (other parents here in Chelsea are so competitive!). What do you recommend? Please don’t suggest anything handmade as we ran up a papier maché, hand-painted, scale model of Buckingham Palace last Christmas filled with antique miniature furniture from Harrods, and not even my flashing Easter egg could top that.

Dear Mrs Gold-Ingot- Coutts,
What you really want is for the other children, especially the girls, to gasp with shock and awe. A pony or several crates of champagne would be ideal, and a lovely change from the gallons of cheap scent, iffy soap and supermarket chocolates that most teachers can expect at this time of year. Alternatively, she may prefer some artwork for her flat which could well earn you some extra brownie points. For instance like this CLICK HERE

Dear readers, that’s my advice to Mrs Gold-Ingot- Coutts. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for her - or any other aspiring Yummy Mummies (right).

3. Next we have a query from Ms WAG (below)

Dear Lola,
In company last week, a woman said to me: "Your earrings are gorgeous. Where did you get them? I can't wear cheap earrings myself." What response would you have given?

Dear Ms Wag,
"I'm not surprised. With your looks, you must need all the help you can get. Incidentally, are you in any way related to this person?” CLICK HERE!

Dear readers, that’s my advice for Ms WAG. Agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for her?

Well, dear readers, sadly that’s all we have time for today! But remember, if you have any problems or queries you’d like me to respond to (dealt with anonymously if preferred), don’t hesitate to let me know (or my PA, Nora) in the COMMENTS BOX BELOW! However weird, outlandish, insoluble it may seem, I’ll have an answer to that Desperate Dilemma of yours! So why hesitate any longer? Go on! Write to me, Agony Aunt to the Stars, in the comments box now!

And remember, YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! - your lifeline to a saner, more harmonious, beauteous world. And now I’m going to creep back to my basket for my beauty sleep (yawn), but do help yourselves, my dear readers, to the Laduree Wedding Cake and macarons (below) on your way out! Oh, btw, I shall be MIA for the next few days ’cos Nora’s off on another brief business trip and, as you know, she’s the one who transcribes all my deeply profound thoughts! But, like Arnie (left), I WILL be back very, very soon!! Promise!!
Have a great Alphabe-Thursday! And check out other Alphabe-Thursday posts @ Jenny Matlock’s great site!

Mwah!

XOXO LOLA:)

WORDLESS ... OR: IS LOLA A GAY ICON?

WORDLESS... OR: IS LOLA A GAY ICON?!

Move over Lewis Hamilton, Jensen Button and Michael Schumacher!

Back briefly but not long enough, unfortunately, to visit other blogs! (:

btw in my last post, my incompetent P.A. gave an incomplete link for My Romantic Home. It should have read Cindy~My Romantic Home which is such a beautiful site for sore eyes! The other one seems to be some strange spam-type blog! Which reminds me I’ve lately been receiving so much oriental spam - not to mention some rather naughty comments that make me wonder if Lola’s maybe become a gay icon like Madonna and Oprah! - that I’ve reluctantly had to add author moderation to word verification pro tem.Sorry!

Happy Ruby Tuesday - and do visit other terrific Ruby Tuesday posts! (Links at Work of the Poet's marvellous site.)
Enjoy!

XOXO LOLA:)

PS Whatever you do, don't miss YOUR LOLA LIFELINE this Thursday, 15 April!!

'L' IS FOR MY LOLA AWARDS!

Dear readers, I am participating in Jenny Matlock’s Alphabe-Thursday where ‘L’
is for both The Lola & Superior Scribbler Awards!

Firstly, I’ve got a little confession to make! I received most of the awards hanging in the sidebar over a year ago and, er, forgot about them - until now! The reason? The site’s had a spot of spring cleaning! And not just a coat or two of cooler, paler colours, polishing the pics and rearranging the text furniture. But hanging up winter’s woolly words and dusting down all those wonderful awards hanging over there, the most recent the Superior Scribbler Award from the wonderful Bhavesh Chhatbar which I’m passing on today together with the most famous and prestigious of all, my very own Lola Award for Services to Blogging!

But now, back to our awards today! Now I’m aware some of you don’t "do" awards and I’ve tried to bear that in mind with the nominations below. However, mistakes do happen dear readers and if, inadvertently, your blog’s been included ~ or excluded for that very reason ~ please blame it all on that useless P.A. of mine, Nora...!

Now, my Lola Award is for recently discovered blogs and, like all similar blog awards, is useful because it introduces wonderful new blogs to a wider readership. This means, regrettably, I have to EXCLUDE those esteemed fellow bloggers I’ve known now for a little while (most of whom have already been garlanded with well-deserved awards). In fact, all those listed on the sidebar deserve award after award but I’m restricted to just 20. (Stop gushing and get on with it. Your P.A., Nora.) So, ripping open the shiny, sealed envelope on the blogosphere podium, I momentarily pause (for drumroll and swig of whisky from artfully concealed hipflask) before reading out the nominations for both the Lola and Superior Scribbler Awards (in no particular order):

Jenny Matlock

Bermudabluez

Jacque4u2c

KatiewhatcanUdo?

Trying to look fab in your forties

Teawithonesugarplease

Seens from the backs of my Eyelids

My Romantic Home

The Misadventures of Mrs B

Haute World

Smiling Sally

Me and My Memes

The best hearts are crunchy

Daydreamnworld

Show my face

Carmen's Chronicles

A La Carte

Here's to Life!

Styling Bodies

Hyacinths for the Soul

Finally, thank you all my dear readers and also new followers who visited or left comments this past week! Have a great Alphabe-Thursday! And do check out other great Alphabe-Thursday posts! btw I’ll be MIA for a few days cos’ my P.A.’s away on a brief business trip again! But she’s promised to type up and post my latest YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! next THURSDAY, 15 APRIL! Make a note in your diary! Don’t miss this historic, earth-shattering event!!

XOXO LOLA:)

PS Be good while I'm away!!

YOUR LOLA LIFELINE!

THE COLUMN THAT GIVES YOU,DEAR READERS,LOLA POWER!
Well, dear readers, welcome to this decade’s very first edition of YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! And my postbag is full to bursting with queries and dilemmas from so many of you! And, as usual, I’ve picked out the most urgent and pressing to share.














First up, another query from my nephew, Alfie (above). Ooh, Nora! You are sooo useless! Most incompetent PA ever! Post the pic of Alfie immediately...!















Dear Lola,
The good news is that Tamara (right) and I are back together again! The bad news is that we both have wildly differing tastes in music. She likes songs to slit your throat and wrists to while I love really happy house tunes! When driving, we have enormous arguments about what to listen to. This problem has escalated so that we now either sit in silence or listen to a Spanish Radio news programme, Radio Nacional de España (RNE), as it seems to have a calming influence and shuts us both up. My worry is that we're about to drive to France on holiday, which means hours and hours of sitting in a car and I’m not even sure if we can get RNE in France. Any suggestions, Aunt Lola?

Dear Alfie,
Don’t take any CDs (or tapes if you have an old car) with you, so you will have to rely solely on the radio. After being exposed to French broadcasting for that length of time, you will both realise that however appalling you think the other’s musical taste is, nothing in the world is as bad as Gallic pop. And before you know it, Alfie, Tamara will be all smiles for Valentine's Day.
Dear readers, that’s my advice to Alfie. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for him?



2. Next up is a query from Mrs T Bag, London:

Dear Lola,
Help! I’ve just found a louse on the head of MY child! What should I do? I’m pulling my own hair out with worry!

Dear Mrs T Bag,
Easy! Get rid of it! And, when you’ve done that, remember to be very careful when dealing with the louse. Cruelty to animals including insects arouses a great deal of passion among animal welfare campaigners! Particularly here in Southern Spain among bull fight aficionados! Within 30 km of my home there are 3 bull rings with twice weekly corridas where all the bulls are wonderfully treated before being gored to DEATH. Sooo H-O-R-R-I-D! Incidentally, Mrs T Bag, you may be interested in a related article on canine ticks I’ve just come across in our local paper:
Last month’s article, Top Tips on Ticks, read: "A good preventative measure is to crush a small clove of fresh garlic into your dog’s foot several times a week." The word "foot" should have read "food."
Dear readers, that’s my advice to Mrs T Bag. Agree/disagree? Other suggestions for her?








3. Next we have a query from Sir Fred Goodwhine, Scotland (above)

Dear Lola,
I’m desperate! I urgently need money but my bank won’t lend me any! What can I do to persuade them to make me a loan?

Dear Sir Fred,
Easy peasy!! Simply play their own game - and offer them a really fantastic set of saucepans!

Dear readers, that’s my advice to Sir Fred. Agree/disagree? Other suggestions for him?!

Well, dear readers, sadly that’s all we have time for today! But remember, if you have any problems or queries you’d like me to respond to (dealt with anonymously if preferred), don’t hesitate to let me know (or my P.A., Nora) in the COMMENTS BOX BELOW! However weird, outlandish, insoluble it may seem, I’ll have an answer to that Desperate Dilemma of yours! So why hesitate any longer? Go on! Write to me, Agony Aunt to the Stars, in the comments box NOW!And remember, YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! - your lifeline to a saner, more harmonious, beauteous world.

And now I’m going to creep back to my basket for my beauty sleep (yawn), but do help yourselves, my dear readers, to the patisserie on your way out! Oh, and by the way, I shall be MIA for the next few weeks ’cos Nora’s off on another business trip and, as you know, she’s the one who types up all my deeply profound thoughts! You’re such a lovely audience and I’ll miss you all terribly till I get back! But, like Arnie (above), I WILL be back!! AND before the fat lady sings! Promise!!

NB Because of Blogger problems, I’m blocked from accessing the Comments Box link of several sites (inc. Looking Fab in Your Forties, Information is Everything, Nicnacmaniac, La Bohème, My Enchanted Home etc). If I haven’t left a comment at your wonderful site, it’s because I’m blocked there too! My sincere apologies until this is sorted!

Mwah! LOLA:)