LOLA'S CHRISTMAS IN JULY PARTY GIVEAWAY!!

FIRST OF ALL, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, DEAR READERS!


AND WELCOME TO LOLA’S CHRISTMAS IN JULY PARTY GIVEAWAY!



THIS IS A MINI-MEME! THE CHALLENGE IS TO POST TWO LIES AND ONE TRUTH. CAN YOU SPOT WHICH ONE IS THE TRUTH? THE WINNER WILL RECEIVE MY GREATLY COVETED LOLA AWARD (BELOW)!
THE COVETED LOLA AWARD!

Two of the statements below are FALSE! One is absolutely TRUE! The question, then, is which? The correct one drawn (see below!) will get the greatly coveted LOLA AWARD! After all, everyone gets an Oscar these days. But who do you know has a LOLA? You’ll be the envy of all your friends, neighbours, blogpals!! Here, then, are the three statements:

1. When she lived in LA, Nora met and chatted with Paul Newman who told her he preferred eating incognito in small, unassuming restaurants to avoid the paparazzi and hangers-on waiting outside to pounce...
PAUL NEWMAN!

2. Nora is related, albeit very distantly, to London Mayor, Boris Johnson (below). Both are fair-haired and prone to waffling and bumbling ineptitude. Both studied Latin! But while Boris’ side of the family has Turkish forebears, Nora’s is totally British born and bred. Here's Boris:
BORIS JOHNSON, MAYOR OF LONDON!
Oops! Grrh!! Wrong pic again, Nora !! Grrh...Grrh...!!! True both gents have fair hair and first names beginning with "B" but that's probably where most similarity ends, don't you agree?!! Anyway, here's our one and only Boris:
THE REAL BORIS!

3. Early in her career as a would-be writer, Nora did a trainee stint at one of the UK’s tabloid newspapers. It was there she developed the habit of alliterative allusion (“sliding down the slippery slope of sloppiness... beacon of beauty in a desert of deficient desolation”); bombastic hyperbole (“Stop Press! Your Lola Lifeline!”) and over-use of exclamation marks!!!!

ONE TABLOID!
ANOTHER TABLOID!

Remember, only ONE of the above statements is TRUE! It’s up to YOU to decide which!

To ensure the judging is as fair and impartial as the recent Iranian elections (No! Seriously! Just joking!), I have asked P (who’s extremely independently minded) to conduct the task: the winner will be randomly drawn from all the correct answers after the DEADLINE OF MIDNIGHT (BST), JULY 31. (Can’t entrust Nora with such an important task - too useless for words!) And I will announce the winner ASAP after the final deadline!

THE RULES (*STERN LOLA FACE*!!!):
1.You are a follower of The Lola (oops!) Johnson Diaries! Already one? Thank you! If not, just be sure to click on the followers link (right) before entering!
2. Leave your answer in the comment box below.
3. Accept the LOLA AWARD, post it on your blog together with my name and blog link.
4. Pass on the Lola Award plus mini meme.

And remember, this may be a Once-In-A-Lifetime-Offer! So hurry! Enter now!

Buche de Noel, Fauchon

And now, after all this Christmas excitement, I’m going to creep back to my basket for my beauty sleep (yawn), but do help yourselves, my dear readers, to some pistachio bûche de Noël (above) and egg nog (below) on your way out! Oh, and do please close the door firmly as you leave... don’t want to be woken up by the merry clinking of all those glasses (snore)!!!

And a huge thank you to our divine hostess, my dear friend, Maggi, at Just Add Glitter and Stir for hosting this great event!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND SEE YOU SOON AT YOUR PLACE!
xxLOL LOLA:)

LOLA'S BEEN TAGGED ~ TWICE! ARE YOU HER NEXT VICTIM?

Well, my dear readers, I’ve been tagged twice in as many days! First up by the charming KARYN~FRENCH CHARMING with the PASSIONATE BOOK AWARD (above).

Now this is an interesting award 'cos I’m constantly bombarded with requests from publishers to write my memoirs! You know, along the lines of those celebrity ones: "My Early Childhood as a Bully", "My Later Childhood as a Thug", "My Teenage Years as a Layabout", My Early Adult Years as a Hell Raiser", "My Later Adult Years as a Drunk"... you get the picture! Only mine would run something like this: "My Early Life As A Pup", "My Later Life as A Pup", "Growing Out Of Puppyhood", "Becoming The 2009 Miss Universe Beauty Queen"... (OK! So I made the last bit up...!)

But checking the most recent Bestsellers’ lists, I note that mis-lit still reigns supreme! Since I’m ever mindful, my dear readers, about customer satisfaction (incidentally, I’ll be doing a Customer Satisfaction Survey shortly!) and you might prefer to read more about the D-R-E-A-D-F-U-L misery and frustration I’ve had to endure at the hands of my USELESS PA, perhaps I ought to concentrate my literary efforts on that area instead. What are your thoughts, dear readers? Do you agree?

Anyway, back to our FIRST AWARD! And the rules for accepting it:
1. Collect the book that you have most handy
2. Turn to page 161
3. Find the 5th complete sentence
4. Cite the sentence on your blog
5. Pass it on to 5 other victims (Oops! bloggers)

Well, dear readers, here we go with the nearest book to me (hopefully it's not a naughty bit) : "Screaming in terror, he awoke to find himself being thrashed in the ribs and rolling helplessly off the bed onto the rough concrete.. " Do you know what book this is from?

Sshh! Clue!! In the sidebar, on the right ... A thriller I wrote (yes! Moi! Lola!) which my useless PA shamelessly passed off as her OWN! But 'cos all its future profits are going to CUDECA , my favourite local charity (which SINCE my involvement (!!) is now being supported by Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffiths too - must have seen my pic in local press articles ) I’m overlooking, pro tem, this scandalously DREADFUL faux pas...

My 5 PASSIONATE BOOK AWARD "victims" are...
JUST ADD GLITTER AND STIR　
LET'S HAVE A COCKTAIL
THE MAGPIE'S FANCY
CAVANIA　
CHOCOLATE AND MARMALADE TEA

And the SECOND AWARD comes from the delightful THE ADVENTURES OF GINGYGINGE .
Here the rules say I’m to tell you about some things I love. Well, I’m not going to just tell you. But show you! Pics of some canine hunks I find sooo perfect, sooo beautiful - in fact, just like moi! And I have a personal favourite... do let me know if it’s yours too! Here they are:

LOLA’S TOP TEN CRUFTS CANINE HUNKS:

1998 Best in Show (Chow Chow)

2003 Best of Breed (Whippets)

2007 Duncan,Yearling Winner(Red Setter)

2007 Marc, Toy Group Winner(Maltese)

2008 Seymour,Working Gundog Group Winner

2009 Cassey,Utility Group (Shiba Inu)

2008 Nedella,Winner(Airedale Terrier)

2009 Best in Terrier Group (Sealyham)

2009 Reserve Crufts Winner (Afghan Hound)

And here, finally then is my favourite, the Pharaoh Hound:

2009 Best in Hound Group:

Ooh! She’s done it again. A more useless PA has never existed in the history of the planet! Where is she...?" "Grrh!!" "Agghh! Help!"

And here then is my favourite, the REAL Pharaoh Hound! Was it yours too?

THE REAL PHARAOH HOUND!


And my 10 "THINGS I LOVE" victims are:
LEONORENEVERMORE
SHOPPING IN SUFFOLK
THE ADVENTURES OF ROSE RED
LA BOHEME
CAROLINE'S LOST AND FOUND
HOW TO SURVIVE LIFE IN THE SUBURBS
UNDER LOCK AND KEY
MISS MATILDA'S DREAMS
AT HOME ON THE RIDGE=
VINTAGE POSTCARDS

Finally, my dear readers, don’t forget that next Saturday, 25th July, is our CHRISTMAS IN JULY BLOG PARTY hosted by the Magical Maggi at JUST ADD GLITTER AND STIR . As for me, I’ll be doing a special one-off, once-in-a-lifetime GIVEAWAY here! So make a note of the date! Don’t miss the fun!

Well, my dears, I’m sooo exhausted by all the fun we’ve had today, I’m going to crawl back to my silk-lined basket now and have a little siesta! But do help yourselves, my dear readers, to a cookie on your way out. And do be sure to close that door as you go please (last time I was woken up by the loud crunching of macaroons...!)
LADUREE COOKIES!

LOLA'S SICK NOTE ~ AND AWARDS!

TARA, OUR IT-GIRL!

Been a bit off colour past couple of days! Must have been something I ate at a little hen party the other night for my bichon chum (our local It-Girl, Tara, above) who also fell ill and is still looking a bit aggrieved, don’t you think? Some E. Coli-dipped Bonio biscuit or listeria-infused canine chew probably...

Anyway, had the vet along to look me up and down. A LADY vet I hasten to add! Sooo much more delicate and sensitive with all those horrid internal examinations, don’t you think, girls?! It’s sooo easy, you see, to get lost in all that fabulous fur of mine. Can’t stand male vets. Like the one, for instance, who insisted on inserting INDUSTRIAL-SIZED dog-awful suppositories in places I truly didn’t know existed after I was bitten by those dreadful Spanish Processional Caterpillars in the Spring! (See my post of 15th April !) Sooo clumsy and heavy handed with all that fabulous fur! Ended up giving HIM a bite he won't forget either...!

AND HERE'S A PIC OF ME AFTER THAT MALE VET INSERTED THE SUPPOSITORIES:

Anyway, my dear readers, here I am back again, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready for AWARDS TIME!

AWARDS TIME!

Blog awards are such great fun, dear readers, ’cos they bring bloggers together and often introduce them to sites they mightn’t be familiar with but would absolutely adore. A little while ago, I had the great pleasure of receiving THE LEMON STAND AWARD from the delightful ModernMom at How To Survive Life in the Suburbs which (like some other terrific sites) I unfortunately have great difficulty accessing:(

In fact, I’m currently having MAJOR PROBLEMS with a number of dreadful site blocks! Do you think androids or robots are trying to hack into my computer to steal all my beauty secrets? Or is it that dreadful Mr Blogger? If so, does anyone out there know his address so I can send my PA around to sort him out? I’ve managed to track down a photo of him (below) but not yet his whereabouts.
MR BLOGGER!

Ooh no!! Hopeless, useless PA!! That’s NOT the pic I gave you!! Here insert this one fast!:
THE REAL MR BLOGGER!

And now back to our Awards! The LEMON STAND AWARD (below), then, is for RECENTLY discovered blogs and is sooo wonderful ’cos it brings great new blogs to a wider readership. And how I love new readers!
THE FAMOUS LEMON STAND AWARD!

Please note, however, that if you didn’t make it onto the list below, it most certainly doesn’t mean that I don’t adore you, I do! It’s just that my paws, as it were, are tied! (My PA, you see, has threatened to down tools - that laptop thingie - if I add any more and, though she’s completely hopeless, useless as you know, you simply CAN'T get good staff here in Spain anyway!) And, by all means, dear reader, if you’re reading this, please feel free to give yourself this award as a special gift from me, Lola, since I’m certain you’re a tremendous read too!

So regrettably I once again have to EXCLUDE those esteemed fellow bloggers I’ve known now for a little while (most of whom have already been garlanded with well-deserved awards). In fact, all those listed on the sidebar deserve award after award!

(Lola, do stop gushing and get on with it, please! My arm’s aching holding all these awards! Nora, PA.)

So, ripping open the shiny, sealed envelope on the blog-podium, I momentarily pause (for drumroll and swig of water from artfully concealed canine water bowl) before reading out the nominations (in no particular order):
CHRONICALLY VINTAGE
SATURDAYS CHILD
ROSETEA COTTAGE
JUST ADD GLITTER AND STIR
THE ADVENTURES OF GINGEYGINGE
LETTERS FROM THE HOME-FRONT
ONCE UPON A SPIDER
CHOCOLATE AND MARMALADE TEA
BRUNCH AT SAKS
UNDER LOCK AND KEY
DOLLS BY MARIE ANTOINETTE
CPAPHILVINTAGE POSTCARDS
LA BOHEME
RETRO WAYS: VINTAGE FASHION AND HISTORY
MISS RED LIPS
NICNACMANIAC
PINK LEMONADE STAND
CURIOUS LITTLE OYSTER
SUNBONNET COTTAGE
AT HOME ON THE RIDGE=
VINTAGE AMETHYST=
THE MAGPIE'S FANCY
CAVANIA
MATILDA'S DELIGHTS=
FROM THE RIGHT BANK

And, finally, I’m making a little exception to the rules (hope the blogpolice aren’t watching!) by adding three not-so-recent (but equally deserving!) nominees. These are:
DUSTJACKET ATTIC
DONUTS TO DELIRIUM
KARYN~FRENCH CHARMING

THE RULES:
1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who’s given it plus his or her blog link.
2) Pass the award on (or not, if you’d prefer) to other blogs that you’ve recently discovered.
3) Link to your nominees within your post.
4) Contact the nominees to let them know they've been chosen for this award.

Happy reading everyone!

xxLOL LOLA!

PAW NOTE: And no, dear readers, I DON’T have Clive Owen’s number either!! But if anyone out there does, please pass it PDQ to my PA who will keep it a secret between just you and me... Promise!

And now I’m going to creep back to my basket for my beauty sleep (yawn), but do help yourselves, my dear readers, to a macaroon or two on your way out! Oh, and do please close that door quietly... (snore)
LADUREE MACAROONS!

YOUR LOLA LIFELINE!

THE COLUMN THAT GIVES YOU, DEAR READERS,LOLA POWER!

The first query out of my bulging postbag this week comes from the Magnificent Mme Moonspinner at DUSTJACKET ATTICwho has admitted in the past to a slight touch of shyness. And so here’s my advice!

ONE OF THOSE DREADFUL PIRATES!

1. Dear Mme Moonspinner,
If you haven’t booked that summer vacation yet, I have just the ticket. Literally! A pirate cruise! Now, I don’t mean one of those dreadfully drunken-walking-the-gang-plank type affairs (above)! But a REAL pirate cruise! Wealthy Russian holidaymakers, you see, are paying up to £3,500 (US $5,000) a day for so-called "pirate cruises" in luxury liners off the Somali coast! They are given weapons and, though ‘protected’ by crack troops, are encouraged to open fire should pirates attack!
MME. MOONSPINNER AS SLAVE!!

Now, my dear Mme Moonspinner, imagine yourself on this pirate cruise. And Somali pirates boarding the ship about to attack you! If you don’t make an INSTANT decision and OPEN FIRE, you may well find yourself kidnapped and either sold on as another hostage for the Taliban in Helmand Province or, a far, far worse fate for a self-confessed blogaddict like yourself (remember your BAA Ten Step Plan?), sold on as part of the white slave trade to deepest Africa (above). Far from any internet connection!! Far from your blogpals. Incommunicado! For ever!

Any remaining shyness or reserve you may still have been harbouring, Mme Moonspinner, cured at a stroke! Guaranteed!

Well, my dear readers, that’s my advice to Mme Moonspinner. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for her?
　
And now a query from Hugo Gold-Ingot-ffrench, Cheyne Walk, Chelsea, London:

HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT

2. Dear Lola,
My ambition is to become a British MP. But with all the reforms to the expenses system Gordon Brown is planning, how will I be able to make ends meet on a basic annual salary of £65,000 (US $100,000) plus inflation-linked pension pot plus expenses plus lucrative outside jobs plus unlimited perks?

Dear Hugo,
I’m frankly puzzled why you should want to become an MP. After all, when justifying their income, current MPs continually moan just how arduous the job is and how hard they work. Yet strangely there never seems to be a shortage of applicants for this terrifying job whenever a vacancy arises! But you seem set on your plan, Hugo, so here’s my advice.
EU PARLIAMENT, BRUSSELS

Lola’s advice:
Now that the House of Commons gravy train is running into a siding (where profiting tax free from the sale of a property partly funded by the taxpayer or designating it as a second home immediately before renovating it - not just once, but several times - isn’t "breaking the rules"), why not hop aboard the EU gravy train and become an MEP in Brussels (above)? After all, one of the UK’s average, not particularly career-minded MEPs recently channelled through a family firm more than £400,000 (US $600,000) of his "expenses"! Just think, Hugo, what an ambitious man like YOU might be able to achieve!

Well, my dear readers, that’s my advice to Hugo. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for him?

And last but not least, a query from George from LA, California:

GEORGE, LA

Oops! My PA, Nora’s screwed up again! Now back to OUR George:

3. Dear Lola,
My dream is to go on The Apprentice TV Show but I’m shy, suffer from low self-esteem and have little self confidence. Donald Trump (below) or Sir Alan Sugar would make mincemeat out of me! My wife doesn’t help either as she’s always bossing me about. In fact, I’m just a doormat she simply tramples on! Should I just forget my dream? What do you advise?
DONALD TRUMP!

Dear George,
No, don’t forget your dream, just forget your wife! First, divorce her. Next watch one TV series (one will be enough) of Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen (below). He’s a master at what he does and, in no time at all, you too will have a black belt in the art of foul-mouthed aggression. Congratulations!
GEORGE, YOUR ROLE MODEL!

Dear readers, that’s my advice to George. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for him?

Well, mes chers lecteurs, sadly that’s all we have time for today! But remember, if you have any problems or queries you’d like me to respond to (dealt with anonymously if preferred), don’t hesitate to let me know (or my PA, Nora) in the COMMENTS BOX BELOW! However weird, outlandish, insoluble it may seem, I’ll have an answer to that Desperate Dilemma of yours! So why hesitate any longer? Go on! Write to me, Agony Aunt to the Stars, in the comments box NOW!

And remember, YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! - your lifeline to a saner, more harmonious, beauteous world. Just like mine in fact!

xx LOL LOLA:)