THE COLUMN THAT GIVES YOU,DEAR READERS,LOLA POWER!
Well, dear readers, welcome to this decade’s very first edition of YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! And my postbag is full to bursting with queries and dilemmas from so many of you! And, as usual, I’ve picked out the most urgent and pressing to share.
First up, another query from my nephew, Alfie (above). Ooh, Nora! You are sooo useless! Most incompetent PA ever! Post the pic of Alfie immediately...!
The good news is that Tamara (right) and I are back together again! The bad news is that we both have wildly differing tastes in music. She likes songs to slit your throat and wrists to while I love really happy house tunes! When driving, we have enormous arguments about what to listen to. This problem has escalated so that we now either sit in silence or listen to a Spanish Radio news programme, Radio Nacional de España (RNE), as it seems to have a calming influence and shuts us both up. My worry is that we're about to drive to France on holiday, which means hours and hours of sitting in a car and I’m not even sure if we can get RNE in France. Any suggestions, Aunt Lola?
Don’t take any CDs (or tapes if you have an old car) with you, so you will have to rely solely on the radio. After being exposed to French broadcasting for that length of time, you will both realise that however appalling you think the other’s musical taste is, nothing in the world is as bad as Gallic pop. And before you know it, Alfie, Tamara will be all smiles for Valentine's Day.
Dear readers, that’s my advice to Alfie. Do you agree/disagree? Any other suggestions for him?
2. Next up is a query from Mrs T Bag, London:
Help! I’ve just found a louse on the head of MY child! What should I do? I’m pulling my own hair out with worry!
Dear Mrs T Bag,
Easy! Get rid of it! And, when you’ve done that, remember to be very careful when dealing with the louse. Cruelty to animals including insects arouses a great deal of passion among animal welfare campaigners! Particularly here in Southern Spain among bull fight aficionados! Within 30 km of my home there are 3 bull rings with twice weekly corridas where all the bulls are wonderfully treated before being gored to DEATH. Sooo H-O-R-R-I-D! Incidentally, Mrs T Bag, you may be interested in a related article on canine ticks I’ve just come across in our local paper:
Last month’s article, Top Tips on Ticks, read: "A good preventative measure is to crush a small clove of fresh garlic into your dog’s foot several times a week." The word "foot" should have read "food."
Dear readers, that’s my advice to Mrs T Bag. Agree/disagree? Other suggestions for her?
3. Next we have a query from Sir Fred Goodwhine, Scotland (above)
I’m desperate! I urgently need money but my bank won’t lend me any! What can I do to persuade them to make me a loan?
Dear Sir Fred,
Easy peasy!! Simply play their own game - and offer them a really fantastic set of saucepans!
Dear readers, that’s my advice to Sir Fred. Agree/disagree? Other suggestions for him?!
Well, dear readers, sadly that’s all we have time for today! But remember, if you have any problems or queries you’d like me to respond to (dealt with anonymously if preferred), don’t hesitate to let me know (or my P.A., Nora) in the COMMENTS BOX BELOW! However weird, outlandish, insoluble it may seem, I’ll have an answer to that Desperate Dilemma of yours! So why hesitate any longer? Go on! Write to me, Agony Aunt to the Stars, in the comments box NOW!And remember, YOUR LOLA LIFELINE! - your lifeline to a saner, more harmonious, beauteous world.And now I’m going to creep back to my basket for my beauty sleep (yawn), but do help yourselves, my dear readers, to the patisserie on your way out! Oh, and by the way, I shall be MIA for the next few weeks ’cos Nora’s off on another business trip and, as you know, she’s the one who types up all my deeply profound thoughts! You’re such a lovely audience and I’ll miss you all terribly till I get back! But, like Arnie (above), I WILL be back!! AND before the fat lady sings! Promise!!
NB Because of Blogger problems, I’m blocked from accessing the Comments Box link of several sites (inc. Looking Fab in Your Forties, Information is Everything, Nicnacmaniac, La Bohème, My Enchanted Home etc). If I haven’t left a comment at your wonderful site, it’s because I’m blocked there too! My sincere apologies until this is sorted!